7 myths about attracting women you thought were true

I remember being a bit of an oddball as a teenager. I didn’t really understand how to attract women until my very late twenties; perhaps even later than that. You can call me a late developer if you like. Think of me as Hitch in the film Hitch; although I’m nowhere near as stylish, classy or suave as him. But like Hitch, I was forged through many, many, many mistakes and tom-foolery with the opposite gender.

I’m married now and I have big black bags under my eyes from late night wake up calls from my over-active spritely son. I have a belly that wobbles and my hair is turning Pompeii volcano ash colour. Nevertheless I’m still as sharp as a button; a wise man once said that all you need to do is get it right once. And now that I have, I’m going to impart my friendly advice onto you lovely people when it comes to attracting women.

The age old question that most of us heterosexual teenage boys ask as soon as we realise that we want to be more than friends with some of the females that we know is — how to attract women? Attracting women is now harder than ever for the young boy, as I expect it is the same for women trying to attract boys; our landscape is constantly shifting and our wealth of knowledge banks, our parents, are usually out-of-touch with reality. We, I, come from a time pre-internet. Our dating lives were usually with someone we knew, or at least someone in the vicinity. If we were lucky enough to date elsewhere then we’d write love letters to each other through the post and keep contact over the phone. The landscape has changed drastically now and if I were to run a seminar on how to attract women back in the nineties when I was a teenager it would be an entirely different show to what it is now. The landscape has went from a snails pace to warp speed in less than 30 years. Men and women are currently feeling displaced as we take on the technological might that is social media and internet dating apps such as tinder, and match.com et al. You can tell by the hordes of men taking classes on “how to be men.”

I feel sort-of lucky that I’ve missed the dating world as it is today as everyone scrabbles together to realise their identity. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but it must be a tough and confusing situation for everyone of all types as we struggle to create the necessary boundaries for each other. But alas, there’s some age old myths out there that I’d like to stamp out as you navigate your way through the dating world, and I absolutely wish I knew these things in my teenage to early twenty-somethings because it would have made my life so much easier and better with women in general.

Let’s start.

Women don’t know what they want

You’ll find that a lot of women do know what they want. They are actually more in tune with themselves than what men are. The reason they are struggling to be straight with you is for many reasons. Perhaps she is scared of conflict. Maybe she doesn’t want to let you down. Some women expect guys to be on an emotional level equivalent to them — this is their way of testing you. Maybe you’re being too aggressive? There’s a whole tonne of hypothetical reasons as to why it may seem like she doesn’t have a clue what she wants. I’ll let you into a secret.

She knows.

Perhaps it’s time you worked a bit on your emotional intelligence? Reading emotions is a good skill to have when you’re wondering how to attract women.

When women say ‘Be Yourself,’ instead of rolling your eyes, listen to them

The best advice that has ever been given to me when meeting up with potential partners was to be myself. Why? Because women are great at sifting through the bullshit. They just are. I remember when one of my woman-friends told me to ‘just be yourself’ and I marched off to my date not listening to a word she said. I think that night I emphasised on everything and lied about at least two things. Not to be horribly creepy of course, but because I liked her and I wanted to seem more appealing than what I saw myself as. Stupidly, I hadn’t realised that she was dating me because she liked me in the first place. I had that hurdle covered. But I blew it because of my bullshit and low self-esteem. This is why confidence is sexy. When you are confident then there is no reason to lie.

Treat her mean to keep her keen

Not too sure how this is even a thing, but for sure it is. Yeah, when women are starting out in the dating world they’ll put up with a surprising amount of shit from people that they are interested in. Perhaps it’s like when the boy pulls the girls pigtails in class because he likes her, and the girl puts up with it because she likes him. I’m unsure. Nevertheless there will be a time when she’s wiser and been through her share of idiots and as soon as your actions don’t match up with your words she wont even accommodate you. There’s nothing wrong with standing up for what you believe in but Jesus, there’s a right way and a wrong way to communicate.

Perhaps take a class in improving your communication skills.

Women don’t date nice guys

Actually, you’ll find that women are super attracted to those with a strong sense of identity. Men that know what they want but understand they don’t need to be dicks about getting it. You can be nice, but strong willed too. I call this the balance; it’s what every man should adopt. Being nice is a basic requirement for positive communication and making friendships in this world; there is so much more to attracting women than just being nice. Women don’t date guys that pretend to be nice in hope of sexual favours afterwards. In fact, one could argue that this isn’t being nice at all. Being nice to the other sex, secretly hoping that in doing so one would start a sexual relationship. That’s lying, fraud, cheating your friends. Whichever way you want to spin it, but it’s certainly not nice.

Women are hard to understand

Actually, they’re very easy to understand if you observe them properly. You can tell quickly if she’s interested in you. She’ll always be around for emotional support as much as she can unless she does it in a professional capacity. Women that pay you no lip service generally don’t have time for you. Gravitate towards the one’s that are supporting you emotionally and are around you more often than not. These are the one’s that are interested in you.

Women don’t care what I look like so I can snag anyone

Good luck with that my friend! This is a lie that dating coaches will sell you. They give you the image of some sweaty overweight dude walking out of a bar with two hot women hanging off his arms and you, alone, again. Well, for starters that image is hugely lacking in context. It could be that those women are attracted to larger dudes. It could be a whole range of things that were unexplained to you. It preys on your sense of isolation and insecurities. At times, some women can be just as vain as us men are. My wife told me that she’s never dated anyone shorter than her and would never do so in the future on our first date. She also told me that she was attracted to and had a fetish for Mediterranean men. If there’s no initial attraction then there’s no getting to know her I’m afraid. She’ll swipe left on you faster than a heartbeat.

Yes, it’s also true that you can perhaps manipulate your way into a woman’s (and men’s) heart but I can guarantee you she’ll be emotionally immature if that’s the case. Strong women know what they want in men. Don’t let your lackadaisical attitude towards your appearance rule the roost. Always bring your A game when it comes to appearances.

Ultimately: Women are [Insert generalisation and/or stereotype here]

I used to do this a lot. More than I’d like to admit. Even the headings that I’ve wrote above there are some exceptions to the rules. As I get older and wiser and develop my knowledge through this beautiful planet that we call earth then I’m realising that women come in all shapes and sizes, mentalities, psychologies, and cultures. They are just as diverse as men and as soon as you pigeonhole attitudes then you do yourself, and them a disservice. The most important thing you need to take away from this all is that eventually, you’ll meet someone that is just right for you. But you need to stop desperately searching for them. Relax a little. Explore yourself.

As soon as I began exploring myself, getting hobbies, finding what I liked and disliked, playing with my opinions and soul searching deep within my childhood, then before I knew it someone had came along and before I had time to look up and breath we were fucking each others brains out. The trick is to go out there and enjoy yourself, work on improving your current situation by bettering yourself. Before you know it — someone amazing will come along. And if it turns out that you both didn’t work out then at least you’ve learned from the experience.

Originally posted here.