The Come Down
When you are young, you have the future ahead of you, and the past behind you. When you are older, you have death in front of you, and the past behind you. Both futures are uncertain.
I've been thinking about aging a lot. There are the physical reminders that you have aged. Maybe you have lost hair, or developed wrinkles. Maybe your mile time has gone down, or you are not as sharp as you used to be.
But I think, out of everything, it is once the things that once gave you your identity go away, that is the most heartbreaking. For me, it has definitely been my hair. I used to have great hair. Hair that was strong and thick, and I liked the physical heaviness of it covering my face. It was something that gave me great joy, when I was able to go through my scalp and every inch of it was covered. I would smile.
It was a source of great pride when someone complimented my hair, regardless of race. Then something terrible happened. Much of it fell out in college. I think it was due to the stress, but there is a case to be made about genetics too. Regardless of what it was, I was heartbroken.
You would think something so minuscule wouldn't have an effect on you. But it invariably does. We are shallow people, after all.
Yet I almost feel embarrassed to admit this has such an effect on me. People are dying in Africa of starvation. Mothers are pimping out their daughters so they can have enough money to survive. The fact that I wasn't born in a region that could happen to me, the fact that I turned out all right and reasonably happy, is infinitely better for me. I would rather be alive and have no hair than be dead and meaningless and beautiful.
A come down from a high perch almost always means that there is hope in another field. Having less hair to me meant taking care of my skin and teeth better. It means to really take care of my body. It means to have a better personality and work harder and produce more content. It means to be a better person with more force and energy. Hair is just an artifice, really. It is temporary. Trying to create your character is something that is more permanent is more worthwhile in my opinion.
The point of this post isn't merely to tell you to work harder. It is to guide you (and myself, really) towards a very valuable lesson. If you have no control over what creates your identity, change it. Don't be the guy that has nice teeth, be the guy that can play tennis well. Don't be the guy that has a seductive gaze at a bar, be the guy that makes other people laugh.
No matter who you are, people will always treat you like an object. So create an object worth treating well and with sincerity. Create a product that you yourself would buy.
It's a long way down from the top, my friend. But enjoy the view both ways. As Don Draper was once reminded, "you never know what breeds loyalty."
