Growing up an immigrant

Almost every first generation immigrant child will tell you that their life (up to their 30s) consists of 3 main phases.
Phase 1:
In this phase a child will try to do everything and anything to gain the parents praise and respect. Be that in behaviour, achievements or something as simple as keeping your mouth shut. (My entire perspective will be severely biased towards Indian mentalities and cultures so insert that disclaimer here*). Growing up with heavy cultural and religious influences in a society where the opposite is actually prevalent can be confusing to most. But to a child, understandably it's a lot more intense. Phase 1 consists of trying to balance where you fit in to these vastly different worlds, while (predominantly) trying to please the parents. As kids you view your parents as the people that know best, thinking or believing something different has such a negative connotation attached to it that its just not worth doing. This awkward balance continues until the "kids" become"young adults".

Phase 2:
This is when everyone (not just immigrants) starts figuring out who they are. What they like to wear, what music they like, the kind of people they aspire to be and all the other impending questions that start popping into a pre-teen/ teenagers' head. All very valid and important coming of age questions. This change in physical and mental state of mind is a confusing time for most, but for immigrant children it's a little amplified (DISCLAIMER 2 im not trying to invalidate anyone's coming of age or struggles- merely stating that the vast majority of immigrant youth have a whole different coming of age process). While realising that a lot of the beliefs and ideals that you were once taught aren't really what you align with you also have the realisation that you would be in some serious shit if you were to challenge your parents on this. So then comes the hiding and white lies. Most young adults who go through this will tell you that the story their parents know about their grades, their drinking habits etc is a very different one to that of their local counterparts. Going to a party, a date or even just a sleepover is a long thought out application process. In which you have to give 2-3 working days notice, the parents must be informed (even if its technically a lie) that there will be no alcohol, no boys(or girls vice versa) no smoking, no drugs, no sleeping past ten etc etc.

Aside from the obvious coming of age rituals, adolescence also includes realising that your parents' visions and dreams for you are further and further from the reality you would like to create for yourself. From the career choice to the choice in partners from when to have children to where (or whether for that matter) you get your masters. Phase 2 consists of trying to change their minds slowly to align or at least respect yours without ever outright saying it. This continues for a few years until you realise you're an adult.

Phase 3:
This phase is a mess. At this point you realise that everythign you thought you had done in preparing the parents for your life choices was pretty much a waste. Because no matter how progressive they have/ had become, as soon as you say it out loud, they reset their biological mind clocks to the very beginning. An argument, a lot of crying and name calling ensues. Noone ever means anything they say but nonetheless it dramatic. This is potentially the most testing time in an immigrant family. Whether its a career choice, a choice in partner or simply just being content with being ordinary. To an immigrant parent it is the equivalent to the end of the world. If a sibling is around their input can either be life saving or disastrous. Somehow (apart from very rare cases) every single family seems to pull throguh. Phase 3 is definitely the hardest but it also builds the family closer together than ever before.
It is easy to point fingers at people and become angry or sad at their unwillingness to understand your viewpoints straight away. But a level of empathy must be shown. Relocating 'home" is challenging at the best of times. But when you relocate entire countries, with children and when you can barely understand your neighbour all for the sake of giving the child a better future, that is something most of us will never have to face. That being said your views shouldn't change for the sake of pleasing parents, but patience and care must be taken when handling these situation.

All in all this is a very generic and rather vague description of what it's like growing up in a world that is both away from home but also is home. It also doesn't go into the complexities and family dynamics of each belief, culture, religion or tradition. It is simply an outline based on my experience reflected with those around me in similar situations.