Home is where the heart is, even when it's lonely.

Now this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I came to be... living elsewhere

I don't live in the city or country that I was born in. I stayed around where I grew up until I was 17, when I briefly (if you can call 8 months brief) traveled to a neighboring country to do a bit of work with a friend. Then I came back to my hometown, only to leave again about a year and a half later.

A photo I took of my actual heart today. Lawl.
What I did not know at this stage, was that I wouldn't return 'home'. I wasn't prepared for what I would find and lose along the way, but I've learnt a lot. 12 years I've been away, and I now know that I LOVE travel, but the crushing loneliness that comes with it is one of the downsides.

I've had many different jobs, I've met sooo many people, I've seen some amazing things. Fraser Island, Mt. Cook, The Highlands of Scotland...the list is long. With the territory comes changing friends as often as you change your underwear. People come and go, and the only constant in your life is yourself. The conversations that used to be exciting and fun turned into tedious chores that you had to perform in order to get to the reward of being able to relax a little. The emotional barriers were built, and my naivety and excitement were exchanged for boredom and loneliness.

One of the best places in the world, srsly. Look at them curves. Such sexy landscape, much wow.
I know now that this is probably why I became chronically un-single. For some reason, I'd meet lovely guys and before I knew it I was in a relationship. I needed something constant, something that kept me from floating away. Always people with ties to the place I was living in, who wouldn't be able to understand what it was like to willingly run away from your emotional safety net of friends and family. When I was younger I was very clingy and needy. Lonely. In dire need of someone to lean on. Poor guys.

And when I thought I'd made friends with someone who wasn't going to leave, someone who wasn't like me, they upped and left. Was I cursed? I kind of stopped making friends after a while, and I still find it difficult to let people in, and to let them know how lonely I can feel at times.

SO MANY AMAZING PLACES!

To be honest, not much has changed. 12 years on, and instead of running, I've settled down. I will never go back to my home country, even though it's often at the top of the 'Best countries to live in' lists. People ask me why, but I don't think they'd understand even if they knew. As soon as I left my country, I knew it wasn't meant for me. It's great to go back, but I always felt like I was missing a piece of the puzzle, like a hole in my heart. As soon as the 19 year old me arrived at my destination all those years ago, the hole was filled.

Truthfully, I'd rather be a bit lonely than missing a piece of myself. At least I will always have me!

Images from Pixabay. Apart from the last one. Touch it and I'll disown you. ;)