Just keep pushing till you see the light

So its been awhile since posting anything on here. The past few months have taken there toll on me something crazy.

First there was the split with ex of 7 years, which totally sucked at the start but I realized pretty quickly that it was the smartest thing to happen. I wish her nothing but happiness and hope she manages to attain everything she strived for.
People move on though and people drift apart its part of life and unfortunatly also death.

Death being one of those things we all fear, hate and ultimately respect. It can't be tamed or controlled and no one should ever try.
That being said it takes its toll on everyone.

So recently one of my best friends for over 12 years decided he had to take the easy way out.
Now this kid wasn't perfect but he had a heart of pure gold and did what ever he could to make you smile. He like most people had his own demons he was fighting (drug addiction and mental illness).

Id have the same conversations with him over and over again about getting him the help he needed. Sometimes he would want to try so hard but by the time you can sort a facility for the proper care needed he would change his mind.

Fuck do I wish I pushed a little harder? Im not sure to be honest it could have gone either way, you can't blame yourself for every thing that happens. (If you think your mates are in trouble for fuck sake ask and do something about it!)

This was one of the hardest things I have ever done bury a mate who was almost a little brother. I know what hes like and I couldnt let him go out without it so I snuck this in with him to make his jurney a little easier.

Now iv never been spiritual in anyway (no offence to anyone) but with some of the recent events in my life I question my own beliefs.
A few days after my mates funeral, driving home late one night just past midnight going 100 km/h down the highway I fell asleep. Car was completely wrote off, torn apart practically but I was pretty much unaffected (some seriously sore body parts but nothing broken).

I don't know what it was but the feeling of safety I had as I woke slamming my head into the side window was almost relaxing. I took hold of the wheel and sat spinning for what felt like 10 minutes in reality a few seconds. That feeling soon left and after realizing I was ok I made my way out of the car. Yea I dunno what it was but I sure felt like somone was watching over me.

Juat wanted to explain my absence and also explain why im powering down my steem. Although that feels like to much to get into now. I just need the extra money to help me get to china to reset. So maybe il save that for anotjer day.