Forgiveness and keeping friendships going; My challenge

I'm the kind of person that loves to a fault, I accept others without inhibitions and most importantly, I see no waste product in humanity. I strongly believe every human is innately good and there is no one that had not been good at one time or the other.

I have had some really sad experiences though, when people I could fight for with my life didn't blink an eyelid when I was down. It was really so trying for me, reconciling my nature with the reality of humanity. I'm not claiming to be good, but I'm insanely loyal. I gat your back once you are mine. I might call you to order in private but publicly we stand together.

When I forgave, I went right back to been friends with whoever it was I had issues with, completely pulling the carpet from underneath my memory of the past. I completely forgave and forgot. Overtime, I realised some people made it a habit to ask for forgiveness and after I had forgiven, they went right back to doing what it was that caused our fight or they did something worse against me.

Without it been outrightly spelt out, I knew I was a sucker for affection, I got it from my mum and since these set of people knew I wanted so very much to be loved, they only had to wave a banana of feigned attention and affection at me, and off I went like a monkey that couldn't resist its favourite delicacy!

Overtime, I tried resetting my priorities but it has been very difficult. I had grown up being like that all my life but I knew I needed some surgical nips and cuts

It was really painful and difficult but I made it through. I became so good at shoving people off.

Once you did something that really hurt me, I shut you out immediately. No second chances! That also had its setbacks because I became quite rigid and unbending. I was seen as proud, egocentric and what-have-you! I had my peace of mind though! But it cost was that I no longer had friends.

The sharp and stark experiences I had, made me live for so long in unforgiveness.

I think I really need to understand how to strike a balance between my being able to forgive and my keeping friendships going.

I want to be free to enjoy friendships without been hurt, I want to know how to forgive without shutting off my offenders. I want to be able to keep my offenders within arms reach even if I can no longer keep them close to my heart. I no longer want to totally cut off someone because they did me wrong.