April 2001

Apr 1

Everything worked out so well! I woke up at 4 and tip-toed around with a flashlight to accomplish the following things: stuck around the house some pictures from magazines, some with my written messages, put a block of expired marzipan in a butter packaging and into the fridge, made up a drink from milk, water and salt, filled up the sugar container with salt and marked it clearly "salt" on top to have a come back (mum ended up ignoring the sign and topped it up with sugar), put some random clothes in Pete's swimming bag (like mum's underwear and I should have put her bra too! He was so angry!), smeared the bathroom door handles with Vaseline, put a trick soap in the soap dish (the one that bleeds red paint when wet), stuck sticky tape all over the toilet seat and also on the door handles. Pity I forgot to salt the toothbrushes. When I was finished by about 6, I put a note saying "I left the house" on my bed and climbed into the corner of the closet. I was planning to sleep there but it turned out to be very difficult. It was pitch black. Like completely. Kind of cool. Eventually I got out myself. I sat there for what seemed like hours and probably was, waiting for my note to be discovered and maybe for someone to find me in the closet and eventually had to give up because there was no indication of it and I needed to go to toilet. I could not have predicted mum's reaction. When she saw me, she burst out laughing and would not stop for a few minutes. I have never seen her this cheerful and started seriously worrying that she has gone mad. I was very pleased with myself.

Apr 6

I have met up with Masha yesterday! I was a little nervous but luckily did not say anything stupid. She was a normal girl. By the way, she was very similar to what I had imagined her to be, even though I was not counting on it. She was dressed very simply, had small eyes and a large nose, short brownish hair. I don't think I have ever had blonde friends! We had a good time cycling around and chatting. She is so serious! She studies and reads all the time. Unfortunately, she is not interested in music and shopping etc. She is similar to Shiori in her personality. I decided to tolerate the things that I don't like and we have already planned to play tennis this Sunday!

Apr 7

Today we went to play tennis with Risa after school. I wanted to practice some before meeting Masha. We ended up playing for over 2 hours! I was exhausted. She was average to start with but got better over time. Some people have come up and unexpectedly a couple of men volunteered to teach us! We agreed and we improved very quickly. I don't know who the men were but I was very grateful. I could barely move afterwards.

Apr 8

Today I played tennis with Masha. I was expecting her to be good but she was worse than Risa! Maybe even worse than Pete. She would stand upright while waiting for serve! It was boring to play this way and I tried to teach her, as I have some knowledge about tennis now. She got a bit better. I do hope she won't forget it before we meet next week! She really is not sporty. I was surprised that she did not say anything about her play. Normally me and all my friends would shriek and apologise in a similar situation. Oh well, doesn't matter. We spent some time cycling and chatting afterwards.

Apr 13

Mum and dad have been fighting. To be precise, mum was losing it. I rarely write about bad things. I usually forget about them or just don't want to write. But today I want to record it, so that you know what I think about it. Mum is angry with Pete that he wasn't getting something in his studies. And then she was remembering other things that she's not happy with. I am so sorry for her! And sorry for myself too. That I have such a poor mother. She always says that she has no enjoyments in life. After the surgery that she had, she would always think about it and and got stressed and to try to calm down, she went to a lot of hospitals. But no one has helped her. Mum keeps finding more things to be upset about and mulls over it. She does not have any distractions. When she reads for some time or uses her eyes much, the eyes start hurting. Mum is almost always high-strung and explodes with a slightest trigger. It is such a pity that her personality is so bad! That she can never be positive about anything. I wish she was more like me. She is still young and beautiful. If only she wasn't stressing and getting more wrinkles from crying so much. I thought that people get to have equal opportunities to be happy in life. Mum's life definitely hasn't been fair. I think a lot of it is due to her thinking. It is important in life to think the right things. Well, rather than "right"- positively, with confidence and hope, and a dream. Then you will be happy. Such a pity that mum doesn't know this. Maybe she does but can't, because of her bad upbringing. And I probably can't change anything. She would not listen to anything when she is angry. Ah I do wish she'd feel better!

Recently I have been feeling unusual. It's an interesting feeling. I feel free, inspired, romantic and something like that. Risa seems to be feeling similar and she calls it "feeling the youth". I agree with this. It's a nice feeling. I feel that especially when... like when me and Risa were standing by the window at school overlooking the cherry blossom trees and the breeze was in our hair. She was saying similar things herself. I don't chat to her that much but she doesn't really have friends in our new class besides me. The class is alright. Things have been good lately. Apart from mum!