How to Overcome the Fear of Not Being Perfect
Perfectionism is the effort of a person to reach high standards created by the idea of “all or nothing”. People who have a fear of not being perfect feel fears such as not being rewarded for their efforts, not being able to reach their goals, not being enough.
These people often feel inadequate when they cannot reach their goals. This situation usually stems from setting unrealistically high goals for themselves.
People who have a fear of imperfection often wonder why they are in this situation. There can be many reasons behind a perfectionist's search for perfection and fear of making mistakes.
Although these reasons vary from person to person, they can mostly be caused by many reasons such as family structure and upbringing, social and community pressures, comparison and the education system.
We can summarize these reasons as follows:
When parents and caregivers have very high expectations for their children and these expectations are focused on success, children may feel obliged to do their best.
As a result, children begin to measure their self-worth by their success and may feel inadequate at the slightest failure. In addition, children with overly critical parents may feel that they absolutely must not make mistakes in order to be accepted by their parents 1 .
Additionally, parents only showing their children their successful and strong sides can cause children to be afraid of making mistakes 2 . Children who learn by observing their parents may think that making mistakes is unacceptable, taking their “perfect” parents as role models.
The importance given to success may vary from society to society. In societies where success is the focus and is seen as very important, a person may be afraid of making mistakes. They may also think that acceptance by the people around them and society can be achieved through success.
With the widespread use of social media platforms, it has become much easier for young children to access these platforms. For this reason, children begin to compare their own lives with the “perfect” lives shown on social media at an early age.
Children may feel inadequate in later years due to the “perfect” images imposed on them through social media at an early age.
In education systems focused on success and grades, students may be instilled with the idea that making mistakes is unacceptable. This can put great pressure on students and increase their fear and stress of making mistakes.
Factors such as family structure, social and community pressures, social media and a success-oriented education system can lead to a lack of self-confidence and self-worth in a person. A person's low self-belief can cause them to be afraid of making mistakes and therefore not being perfect. This can lead to low self-esteem and a lack of self-compassion.
Some signs that you may be a perfectionist include:
Feeling chronically anxious and stressed, overthinking too much
Setting unrealistic and difficult to achieve goals
Not feeling like you are making progress and achieving success when taking steps towards your goals.
Not allowing for error, thinking that making mistakes is a “luxury” and unacceptable
Overly critical and negative evaluation of performance by focusing on minor details
A desire to gain approval in order to feel competent
Having difficulty making decisions and feeling confused about whether the decision is the right one
Having difficulty starting tasks and constantly procrastinating due to the desire to do things perfectly
Low self-confidence due to feeling inadequate and unable to achieve goals
Being afraid of making mistakes, not wanting to leave your comfort zone, and not being open to new experiences.
To expect from others the same high standards that he has set for himself.
An obsession with being perfect can have negative effects on a person's mood, and these effects can play a major role in quality of life.
The effort to be perfect can manifest itself through both physical and psychological effects on a person's body. The most common physical effects are body pain, digestive problems, sweating, body temperature disturbances (being too hot or too cold) and problems with sleep patterns.
The effects of perfectionism on a person's psychology can be in the form of an obsession with order and cleanliness, excessive thinking, excessive worrying, being angry and constantly sad. In addition, when these symptoms intensify, they can lead to various psychological problems such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety disorder, depression, anxiety and eating disorders .