What Do You Actually Want?

Like I mentioned in my previous posts, I am now visiting my family in New York. And every once in a while I make an effort to go sightseeing, and every time I get back frustrated, tired and wishing I would have stayed with my sister and my cute little nephew.

Which really gets me, because I love to travel. I know how to travel. I travelled alone in the US, Europe, I flew to Hawaii (where I got lost on a kayak somewhere in the middle of Pacific;), I rented a car in California when I didn’t really know how to drive yet, I explored tiny islands on my own – and all those were the happiest days of my life.

All I needed to feel happy was my camera, a car and a long road ahead.

People were even disturbing me – they disrupted that state of total carefree enjoyment, contemplation and bliss. I didn’t need them. Sometimes I even tried to avoid them on my travels.

So, I tended to blame New York. I thought it was hard to enjoy, it’s too big, too noisy, too dirty (all of which is true). But it’s not. It’s me. I suddenly realized that as much as I love travel (and I am pretty sure, I will love it forever), I don’t enjoy doing it the way I did - on my own - anymore. Now I want to enjoy world together with someone – my family, my friends. And if there is no one to share it with – I’d rather stay home with the ones I love.

There really gets to be a point in life when you can’t get things you get from being with people – especially your people – anywhere else.

It’s so weird when some things, even basic things you knew about yourself suddenly stop being true.

And it’s so important to ask yourself once in a while – what do I actually want? I can’t imagine how many people would have discovered that they are mechanically doing something they wanted a long time ago and that they don’t want anymore. And they are wondering, why their lives don’t work. And some just get used to not being happy and satisfied instead of asking themselves this simple question and doing sometimes some simple changes.

Big changes are scary. Not everyone can just uproot their life. But my point is, small things matter. Like, stop wandering around New York alone and instead spend time at home with the loved ones. Don’t sit till the end of a boring movie. Start spending time on a hobby you like.

Let’s all start with some small changes. Let’s not do stupid things we really don’t want to do. Then something might actually change.