Differund

    My eyes were blurred. Everything around me fell dark. Too dark that I could hardly see anything. Then my breathing went too rapid that I could feel my chest thumping. Then everything slowly stopped. I saw nothing. I felt nothing. I was numb.
      Waking up became harder for me than closing my eyes to sleep. I saw familiar lights surrounding me. I woke up surprised on a hospital bed, supported with intravenous fluids and an oxygen tank. I am a product of suicidal attempt. Just an attempt, I was fortunate enough.
       I was awaken by the familiar voices of two people arguing madly. Mom usually goes hysterical over dad's pride. She claims that dad dates his officemate. But dad expands the quarrel when he shouts back that mom doesn't have time for the family. They were impossible. They even motivated me to take up nursing in the first place. But all along, I couldn't  focus on my studies. Instead of them supporting me, it is I who thought of them all the time because they just seem to be insensitive with their irrational quarrels. At first I knew I can surpass my course butmy nights were restless due to their tympanic voices. I can no longer understand what I am reading. These were enough to make me feel hopeless. I thought that after what I did, my life would change. History just repeated itself. Nothing happened.
       Not going to school due to the hospital confinement for a week after the incident was a crime. I missed lots of exams, quizzes, project deadlines and return demonstrations. These were the very seasons why I couldn't handle it anymore. I felt so pressured with the pile of towering school requirements that cracked me up. I considered these as sufferings; multiplied by the emptiness my family feeds me everytime I stay at home. I thought ending my life could end my problems as well. But I was strong. Things just got worse. I became a subject of discourse between my parents, and I was more compressed with the requirements in school that I have to cope yp with. Worst is, I started pitying myself.
        It was an hour before midnight when something finally appeared in a different light. It was the first time that I had noticed that all along, my mom checks me out before she sleeps. I knew I needed her badly. I found myself runnning to her and finally hugging her tight. She hugged me back. Right then and there I knew she loved me.Our words were short, but we finally understood each other. That moment made me realize that all we need is to talk. I woke up differently the next morning I was surprised to see myself sharing breakfast with my parents. This was new and I'm glad it happened. I went to school right after. My hands were cold , I was sweating rapidly. I just don't know what to do with my problems in school. I felt so stressed and loaded. I don't know where to start. But my feet brought me somewhere and finally, I found myself crying out  my frustrations in the chapel's corner. I was relieved there after. I was opened to the idea that I have to take things easy and to balance my time adequately. The memory of a dozen tablets I took in to commit suicide flashbacked. I was inauthentic to myself. If all I really wanted was to fix my problema, I must know that it will not be resolved by another wrong move. If all I wanted was a solution, I must start with my self examination and I must start doing it now.
        Suicide gives me the idea of how important life is. It was the worst mistake I made but somehow it became a turnibg point in my life. I knew myself better. I became open with my family and I slowly managed my academic affairs. I am now clinging into the strongest faith I have for myself. If I let my family split up, what better can it do to me? My future will as well be lysed. I am now focused on my goal. I faced school better  now and I knew this was what I needed. I will not be doing the same mistake again. I have learned. 

The story above is not real but is true. This is not the writer's story, but it can be yours.