How your evironment controls you

My Ex controlled me, and I didn’t even realize it.

This is based on personal experiences which I have lived and now later in life I come upon this realization.

When I was young, I was incomplete, not first in the class or any other activity yet I was free, free of my mind. I did not care and enjoyed life, did whatever came to my mind and slept like a baby without over-analyzing stuff. ‘Oh to be Young & Free’ I have read this quote so many times but never knew it’s meaning until now.

When I was young, I did not think much and did whatever I felt like, it often shapes your personality what you do, who you are with and experiences you live. I used to be happier, drowned in the present moment. Until uni came, time to grow up I saw new faces, made new friends and entered university with the help of my then boyfriend. He was loving and loyal. But there was this other side to him which I never really knew. He was controlling in the most polite manner. I remember one day we went to a Badminton game-date and as I sat in his ‘BMW’ car, the thing he pointed out was ‘Whether I was wearing leggings’ to the game, I was not, I told him that and the conversation ended there. Down the line there were so many instances where he would take me to shopping ‘out of Love’, I said no and he said it was no big deal and later I could become conscious of what I wore and how I looked because we often went to parties where all his friends were. I was losing my identity, my free self at that time without even knowing it. All I did was wait for his phone calls while lying in my bed and we talked whenever it was possible. All I did was to be with him and that is all. It’s funny how you give in to people ‘All yourself’, only to be left later.