The feels.

Fuck.

It's the only word I can use right now to actually express how much it hurts. I told myself I would stop crying after the first time but I guess I really don't have much say in it do I. Even with bloodshot eyes and gritted teeth, I can still manage to tell you this. Breaking up fucking hurts. It's different then getting punched in the face, or scraping your knees on concrete, it really does pierce your heart. Emotions hit harder than any fucking force in this world, especially when you replay the very first moment you met that person until that last look in both your eyes, filled with tears. But you said it was for the best, that you would move on and get on with your life, this doesn't happen in just a couple of hours though. You know it will heal, that it will pass, but the future is not the present, and your heart is presently shattered and teared. You try to forget the look on her face because you know it's the first step to cope with it, but the wound is fresh and the image of her eyes seems to automatically replay itself against your will. I guess it was for the best, out path's are just not going the same way, she's moving on to a new stage in her life, and I'm happy for her, she deserves the very best in this life.

If you want the truth, I realized I'm in a stage in my life where my relationship is not my priority, my effort towards it is low and my heart just isn't in it. It will not go unsaid that this girl will mark my life for what's left of it, because she really was my best friend, my lifeline when it all went wrong, my shoulder to cry on. I guess things change as your passion for learning and growing into a new and polished version of yourself takes over you. You start to develop a deep interest for learning new things and investing your time on other things, without realizing that you are letting go of your grip on other aspects of your life. As someone who almost dropped out of college with no clue as to where my career was heading, no motivation or will to change my ways, I finally stumbled upon the blockchain technology that will manage to change the world in a couple of years. I realized that learning as much as I can about blockchain, developing programming skills, reading books and taking courses is all within the most important of my priorities. Relationships require nurturing, attention and time dedicated to it, which is something that my heart does not have the desire to follow at the moment as much as I want it to. I found myself wanting to be reading at home, or using my school-free weekends at Blockgeeks courses rather than watching movies or hanging out. Perhaps our paths will cross someday, when we are both at peace with our inner goals and motivations, then again, perhaps not. It sucks, wondering whether you are making the right decision, then again I must trust my instincts, I know this better for us right now.