What is the REAL Reason you're Searching For a Relationship?

So firstly I want to make clear that of course there is an element in all of us that want TRUE connection with someone else, after all isn't that part of what being a human is about? Bonding, connecting, and sharing our human experience with someone we resonate with on a deep level. The problem is the way we are doing it, and moreover the WHY. Many relationships have become toxic and completely inauthentic as many people have yet to even make a deep and intimate connection with themselves and their own hearts. There is a lot of truth in the old adage 'to love someone else, you must first be able to love yourself'.

The main issue is that people seem to look at relationships these days as something to paper over the cracks of their own inner childhood wounds. If I just meet a man/woman then my problems will all go away and I'll be happy right? Wrong. You will take those issues with whoever you go with and wherever you go unless you do the inner work to heal them. What we have nowadays are couples projecting each others wounds onto each other and expecting the other person to 'fix' them. This is both completely unrealistic, and also unfair to expect the other person to do that. Thats not to say a partner couldn't be supportive (which seems to be a rare thing these days)its just that pulling the toxic shit out of your subconscious is never going to be done by another person, YOU have to own that and do the necessary work to heal it.

Also if you are fractured its much harder for you to connect to your own heart let alone anybody elses's! So then really you have to ask the question is it even FAIR to be searching for a potential partner whilst bringing a load of emotional baggage to the table? Yes you could argue that everyone has their thing, and its true to a point. But it doesn't have to be like that. Why would you not want to approach a new relationship knowing you're coming from a place of openheartedness and that you're there to give, not take? I speak from experience, as its what I used to do myself! I am not professing to be the epitome of perfection here, I used to have toxic relationships because I was toxic myself in many ways.

The reasons for this is that the emotional work is HARD. Its not a quick fix, and we live in a quick fix society. People expect to heal years of trauma and pain in the time it takes to order a Big Mac (which is just as toxic!) I have seen the amazing transformations in people in my own psychotherapy sessions, but these people are DEDICATED. They come back even when their whole body is screaming that they don't want to! Ultimately you get out of life what you put in, if you want a fully loving rewarding relationship, then put that into you first.

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Tony Sayers,
Love, care, courage

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email- [email protected]

Author of the book 'Are you Living or just Existing?'

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