I'm losing my Radar..

Last night I could not squeeze my narrow eyes. The clock that hangs on my wall shows 2 o'clock in the morning.
"Damn, what I want tomorrow if I still can not close my eyes" I mumbled to myself.

I turned my body to the right of my little bed. My eyes are running for something that I do not know what it is. For a moment, my eyes stopped staring at a doll. The brown monkey doll was neatly arranged on my desk. My imagination flew as high as the sky, remembering every memory that was engraved with the doll. I still remember it, the incident where I had to lose my Uranus.

"Go!!! Do not contact me anymore! "I snapped at the narrow man. Many times I tried to remove the grip of his hand that was so screaming holding my hand. I felt the hand tremble and sweat. Once again I pull my hand so hard. I threw the stuffed monkey doll lying on the bed of my room. I'm no longer functioning. My emotions then destroyed my logic and thousands of my dearest to him. How come? Which woman does not hurt to find the lover is still a communication that is so familiar with his former lover first?



He seemed to be desperate to give me thousands of explanations. He bowed his head, looked at me for a moment and kissed my forehead. For a moment my tears dripped, the pearls melted like hot spring. He turned his back, walked away from my cold room by the air conditioner. Slowly but surely the back was walking away from me. The longer the stronger my heart feels pain. Maybe I should have listened to him. I'm sorry. I slammed the door of my room as hard as I could, locked it and let thousands of my tears fall over the cheeks.

Long story short, since the incident that night, I no longer contact Rafi, although I know my phone does not stop ringing all night long. Until a death accident happened to me. My sedan hit a truck the next morning. It took away everything I had. Even my eyes. I can no longer see. No more moonlight I can look at every night. Everything feels so dark. In the dark, Rafi stays with me. He accompanied me to spend hundreds of dark nights. Even as everyone away from me and blaspheme me, only Rafi, Mother, Father and some friends who still want to sustain me to stay up, stand and move on. Six months I was blind, waiting for the generous people who would donate their eyes to me.

Until finally I get a donor who wants to help me. That morning I was ready for surgery. All present to encourage me. Father, Mother, Raisa, Chandra and Grandma. Only Rafi did not show up that day. Let it be, maybe he is busy. I can not wait to see the beauty of the universe again. Seeing the sweet smile engraved on the tiny lips of Mother and Daddy, looked into Rafi's narrowed eyes and watched Chandra's silliness as well as Raisa. Wait for me guys. My operation went well. Even after 2 days after surgery I was able to see well. But I have not seen Rafi yet. He has not shown his nose in front of my face. Where is he going? Hey, I miss your smile. Time and time again I asked her whereabouts to Mother, but Mother just kept silent in her smile, as did Father and my friends. Well, I'm starting to get upset with him.

A week after the operation, Rafi still disappears. Where's Uranus me? Where did the man go? For a moment I paused to remember my last quarrel with him. Could he really be disappointed with my deeds that night? Okay, I'm wrong. I should have let Rafi give me his explanation. The feeling of regret gave birth to a sweet idea to give a little surprise to him. I stepped on my car's accelerator and drove to a cake shop near my house. I'm not very good at cookies, but I know Rafi likes lemon flavor, so I just bought a lemon tart with my apology on it. After that, I stepped back on the accelerator of my car. I launched the sedan to a house in the elite area, Kelapa Gading. "I have to apologize to Rafi" I said to myself.

From a distance I see some bouquets arranged neatly in front of the house with gold fence. My heart was beating fast, my blood flow was so fast, my mind was not good at that time. Damn, I panicked, so panicked I let my car stop in front of the golden fence. I opened my car door with a box of lemon tart I was about to give to Rafi.

Wait! It's weird, there's something wrong with this. The wreath began to dry with a grieving greeting for the departure of someone. Who died? His mama? The daddy? Or his sister? I hurry up my footsteps. That's Mr. Ilham! I approached the middle-aged man in the full security suit.
"Sir, there's Rafi?" I asked, trying to blind the situation.
"Mas Rafi? Ooooh, do not know yet? "
"Know what?" I asked increasingly uncomfortable.
"This mbak Meli anyway?" Asked Mr. Ilham with his distinctive Javanese accent.
"Yes sir. What is it? "I asked irritably.
"Mbak .. sorry yes sir Ilham sassy. Mas Rafi has not been around since last month. It's been a long time "Mr. Ilham's remark was like a lightning bolt in broad daylight.

I dropped the lemon tart I had just bought. I run my red sedan back home. I opened the door of Mother's room and let my emotions explode with an unbearable teardrop.
"Mother! Why do not you tell me? "I asked.
"Then this eye? Who is this Mother's eyes? "I shouted.
"Calm affectionate calm .. Mother do not mean to lie, Rafi is gone. You know? For a month now he had blood cancer, the treatment made him give up and close his eyes. The eyes belong to Rafi. He who forced his parents to donate eyes for you "I was shocked.

Again, my tears dripped. I took the chocolate doll, I put it in my arms. I stepped my foot into the back garden of the house. Letting my body slide on the wooden gazebo. Staring at the moon and the stars are so beautiful. This time I'm sobbing. God I lost half my soul, I lost some of my life. Really, it's like I want to go back, come and come back to that night. I want to silence her sweet mouth and let my body fall in the warm dekapnya. If I knew this would be the end, I would not fight with him. I do not want to throw him out of my house.

God yours You. How could you take half my breath. If you can choose, you better blind my eyes for life, than you take him. Really, I still want to see those eyes, narrow eyes that always pierce sharply into my eyes. I still want to look at his sweet smile. I still want to embrace his tiny body. I still want to feel the kiss mesoyya, even I still want to feel the grip of his hand.

The nights are so cold without you. The rain feels so scary without your presence. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I closed my eyes long enough, laid my body in the hospital bed without knowing you were suffering without me. Even in sickness I'm still troubling you. Uranus, now your call really has meaning for me. I'm cold as cold as Uranus.

I'm as empty as Uranus, even I'm out of control like Uranus. I see stars are not as beautiful as usual, I see the moon is not as elegant as usual, even the sky was not as solid as the previous night. I saw the night sky, then raised my thumb and forefinger over my head with a fool, emitting the Uranus radar we used to do. My tears dripped. Now I realize, there will be no more Uranus radar you give me every night when we see the moon and stars in the sky. God, I lost my radar.