MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK
I
used to interpret the saying
"Marriage is not for small boys" to
mean small boys in terms of age,
until I visited a female mentor that
has been in marriage for 47 years. I
asked, so what is the secret of your
over 47 years in marriage? Beaming,
she retorted; My son, the
expectations you bring into marriage
will either spell its doom or success.
I married my husband without
expectations of enjoying his money
or buying cars for me, but with time,
my patience, hard work and God-
fearing attitude yielded results of
getting cars, houses, taking care of
our children and all that. You see, if
a married lady keeps on nagging in
the house, she pushes the spirit of
her husband from the home. If you
make the man unhappy, you make
the house uncomfortable. So, I
married without high expectations
from my husband but simply to make
him happy always. Yes, for the past
47 years, I would be the first to get
up from bed and the last to go back
to bed. I bath the kids, do devotions
with them, prepare breakfast for my
husband and boil hot water for him
to bath. I iron his clothes he would
take to work, kiss him and wish him
the best in his daily endeavours. I
asked my old woman, so then what
does the man do in return? She
laughed all heart and hearty and
replied; You see, this is the mistake
you young ones make in marriage.
YOU DO SOMETHING FOR YOUR
HUSBAND OR WIFE AND EXPECT
SAME REWARD FROM HIM OR HER,
THIS IS WRONG! When it becomes
your attitude to only please your
husband or wife always, the other
person responds naturally. Indeed, if
nothing touches the palm tree, it
doesn't rattle. She continued, my
son, never carry "how rich or poor
your family is" into marriage. After
all, you knew very well the status of
your family and decided to marry that
man or woman. Love only compels/
leads would-be couples into marriage
but it doesn't sustain marriage.
Rather, understanding, patience,
communication and most
importantly, forgiveness sustain
every marriage. High expectations are
the symptoms of divorce in
marriages. Sometimes you hear, I
want to marry a mother, a business
partner, God fearing person etc. You
cannot get all your expectations in
one person. With time and depending
on your relationship, you may get
some. So minimise your expectations
in marriage. To cut the long story
short, as too many cooks spoil the
broth, she concluded on the
mistakes a couple should resist at all
cost in marriage: 1) Never say you
have made your wife or husband
somebody from a nobody. It hurts.
God only used you as an agent for
transformation, give the glory to
God. 2) Let the man be head of the
home no matter the financial,
economic, physical and emotional
health situation prevailing in the
couple's life whilst the woman
exercises diligence in the use of the
tongue. 3) Having children should
not be the ultimate objective in
marriage. They are given to enhance
your marriage. When God delays in
giving you a child, have every reason
to live a happy marital life. 4) Sex is
a major morale booster after a hard
day's stressful life. Try to be sexual
beings and not "Angels" in that
marriage 5) Resort to God often and
less to men to solve your marital
disputes. 6) Let the women " Make
up" their characters much more than
they make up their body. Indeed,
marriage is not for small boys
because small boys struggle to
forgive, demand everything speedily,
lack the patience to wait, have so
many friends etc. Make every effort
to let that marriage work and may
God help us.