NOW = No Other When

My nervous system is, literally, hyper-vigilant.

It FREAKS OUT at surprises.

So I make it known that I really need a heads-up,
before "popping by" my place.
(This spares me an unnecessary flood of cortisol,
not to mention cardiac panic.)

But then, when I have a fixed appointment at a specified day/time...
my mind spends 10-15% of its power projecting ahead,
in a futile mix of anticipation/excitement, and dread/worry.

Appointments PULL me into the future,
HOURS BEFORE the agreed upon time!!

Which is why I resist appointments...

...because they 'steal' bits of time, with this pre-event,
future-hopping scheme I've just untangled.

Of course, I real-eyes it's my mind doing this,
and not the appointments.

Trickster, Mind... I'm on to you!! lol

And even now AWARE of this, I still have to RE-mind myself --
like a repetitive mantra -- that
it is okay for me to be fully gathered at THIS moment...
NOT the moment hours from now.

Geesh.

Being present feels so good,
a single moment out of its warm sunshine,
feels like crap.

#nowjunkie

🖤

If you haven't yet, kindly check out:

An Open Letter Of Thanks, To Those Who Read My Words.