In the dark...

So many times i get so close to directly try to talk to you ... So many thinks on my mind....but i cant... I am so ashamed to do that... There is that voice in my head saying "you have no right. You did enough". I even feel ashamed i use this way to "communicate" but i still do it. That voice asks me again and again to leave you alone in peace. But i cant. Is this one more awful thing i do?.... And then i get lost again in that labyrinth of thoughts....past.... present....ifs....sorry.....memory... future....regrets.... happyness....torture....
And at the end i am more ashamed i couldnt change anything. I received so much love....so deep and so pure... so so so much...and i did nothing.