I love how your story is so real! It makes life seem not so perfectly-perfect! I felt the same way when I got pregnant with my 3nd child, my oldest was 4 when I had her & prior to delivery I was afraid I would not know hoe to love her the same..girl was I wrong! lol & then my 3rd was 5 yrs later- again not ideal..we too left it to chance and it just so happened to happen every 4 to 5 yrs, with my last daughter it was by all means the best pregnancy and delivery I could have asked for! I was 31 with my last and 21 with my 1st...but I would not change a thing except maybe having them a bit closer together..at the same time I am a firm believer in all things happen that are meant to be and everything has reason & purpose, even if at the time it does not seem so!
I look forward to following your story!