10 things you should know as first time mom

Most persons feel parenting is by trial and error but it isn't. Like all skills that require studying and improving your knowledge by reading so does parenting. It is important to know that children differ so a stroke that works for one may not work for the other. There are so many things to learn in parenting but you know, all journeys start with a step. This can be your first step or whatever step you are at 😊.......

1. Identify and separate the small issues from the big deals.

Not everything needs to be fussed about. Learned to figure out what your big picture is and focus on that. Know what the must haves are by asking other experienced moms within your circle, also nice to haves and not at all important stuff should be known and treated accordingly. For example, it is nice if you bath your toddler yourself but it is not a must. It is however a must that only you or your mom baths your infant. It is nice if you bottle-feed your infant yourself but it is not so important. If you have to choose, you can rather hand him over to any available adult and spend that time assisting your toddler with his homework. Your toddler has real feelings, your infant, not so much so if your older son is asking for your attention and your infant is also crying, you can hand over the infant to his nanny whilst you concentrate on the toddler who is more likely to feel bad and make assumptions about his needs being deprioritized.

Now know that having every guest who come visiting your newborn march in a straight line to the loo to first wash their hands and thereafter sanitize is great but definitely not as much a big deal. Also, selecting an elderly person to be your baby's nanny is not really a big deal. What matters when it comes to choosing a nanny isn’t how old she is. Some 23 year olds are more intuitive and love kids even more than some 45 year olds.

2 Breastfeeding is best

Breastmilk is great and the best. They are a lot of health benefits and other non-health related benefits for you and your baby when you breast feed exclusively for 4 to 6 months. Besides is the cheapest.

3 You don’t need half of what you buy

Every vendor will market its product as a must have but truth is babies don’t really need so much. You don't need to go on a shopping spree tall wit experienced moms so you shop wisely.

4 Drop the intense baby speak from 6 months at the very latest and begin to converse

All that googoo gaagaa cheeky cheeky chuchu chacha should end as soon as a child starts showing the faintest sign that he understands you and is aware of his environment, usually by 3-5 months. It certainly shouldn’t enter into the 2nd half of a child’s first year. At that point, whilst speaking in a sing song voice and exaggerated vowels is fine, all the shaku shaku, booobooo baaabaa must transform to normal language.

Engage in meaningful conversations with him. Speak to him like you're dealing with a person who fully understands you, all those cute speak stop being cute after a certain age. So whilst your 18 month old may pronounce words wrongly, don’t join him in the inaccurate pronunciations. Affectionately pronounce it rightly and engage in conversations as you would with an older child. It will help your child learn how to communicate effectively with you and with others. Raise the bar by speaking with your child like you would with an older child.

5 Read to your kids

This exercise is key, most people get many books for their kids but don't really make reading to them a habit. Don't be so busy that the thought of sitting down every bedtime to read would totally be unimaginable. Try to be home before bedtimes. At that young age, reading is not really for them to learn all about the lessons in the story you are reading. It is to expose them to sounds, speech and vocabulary. When you read to a baby, you are depositing into his language development bank. You might not know it, but they are taking in information and beginning to learn about speech patterns. As you point out the brown teddy bear to the baby, his brain is making a connection between your words and the brown teddy bear. The more frequently you read that book to baby, the stronger the connection grows.

Reading to babies helps grow their vocabulary and encourages them to exercise their brain and imagination as it encourages a thirst for knowledge. It promotes their early reading skills. Research shows that specific areas of the brain are affected when young children have reading exposure at home from an early age. These areas are critical for a child’s language development. Reading to a child enhances a child’s concentration.

6 Eliminate or Reduce Screen time before age 2

No matter the educative programme or coloring show you think you are exposing the child to, it just is not worth it. That quick technological distraction may feel like a saver so you can quickly finish up work but research shows it does more harm than good. It is okay for a child to patiently observe you as you work instead of you striving to fill up every moment with activity of any kind. Even when they are frustrated, handing them a gadget that offers immediate gratification discourages them from self-soothing. Give the baby a toy, a remote control etc., let her explore but not your phone.

7 Mess is great

Making a mess around the house is part of a child’s learning experience. Don’t be so hung up about having the perfect living area that your kid can’t create a horrible mess freely. Let them explore. Let them feed themselves, Let them drink from a cup and let the water spill. Let them paint (hopefully not your walls!). Let them run around. Take away your fine china and delicate pieces of furniture. So that they don't hurt themselves and hurt your pocket by breaking that precious lamp from Timbuktu! Once it is in a safe and healthy environment, don’t stop them. This is part of how they learn.

8 Understand your child

Understand each child. Spanking is not good for every child while some children require it. Some kids need a bit of raised voice at important intervals to aid effective communication. Yelling does not work on all. Some children comply when you kneel to their level and gently tell them why they should go and brush their teeth and why it is time to eat their breakfast and why drinking coke is okay for mom but bad for them. Study your babies to see which method will suit them. I know the Bible says that foolishness abounds in every child but the rod of correction will drive it far from him, the same Bible also says “Parents, do not treat your children in such a way as to make them angry. Instead, raise them with Christian discipline and instruction” and also says, “a soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger”. So be wise and apply principles correctly.

9 Seek knowledge

In your various professions,you spend time and energy looking for ways to improve your self. At work sometimes , trainings are organised and you are appraised regularly to ascertain and assess how well you're performing at your respective levels. You know you are been watched so you want your output to be excellent. You have to be focused and work hard to improve yourself and rise in ranks. The same thing goes for all other aspects of our lives. We need to seek knowledge. We need to ask questions. We need to read books and attend seminars on parenting. Follow parenting pages on Instagram where real issues are discussed and you can read comments that will enlighten you. You cannot just assume everything will come to you naturally. Sometimes, we all need a bit of training and guidance.

10 Enjoy the journey of motherhood

Motherhood is not a punishment for the gift of having a child. No, it is a journey that should be enjoyed. There are loads of challenges but that is part of the package. And solving each one brings a certain level of fulfilment and reward and joy.

So Dear Mama, relax, take a deep breath and say to yourself “I am doing a great job. I am a great mom and by God’s grace, I’ll keep getting better“.

Culled from Temiville's "12 things I wish I knew as a first time mom".