A Young Man afraid of…

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[source]pixabay.com

Note: Hey guys I know I have been not writing much these last days all because of my re-arrangement of my schedule and my lifestyle and my routine's it's been more than 10 days that I've been writing I missed you guys.

It started on 18-4-18 when I was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney disease

“I remember it still clearly as the blue sky I felt it yes I did felt it. In my guts and my brain I thought I lost because I did not fight through the pain and I sat down with my parents and my grandmother in the car as we were ready to go to the hospital it was a 15 minute ride to the hospital I could not think properly I was crushed words wanted to come out but fear blocked my mind from speaking I collapsed in my thoughts. as my parents and my grandmother talked and talked I was devastated broken up hurt by the cold truth that I could not be the same hungry fella that used to eat mountains of food eat some chips whenever I wanted to drink alcohol whenever I felt sad. I had no friends only but god... I had a family! but no friends.

I was scarred for life I thought maybe is there no chance of surviving?

I was afraid of...

Let me tell you about my Kidneys

My kidneys were functioning at a rate too low for my age my kidney's started to go downhill as I noticed how my body reacted to the situation of not living well. I was de-hydrated not eating properly not exercising not planning nor was I thinking about making the better choice in life. So I panicked after I was diagnosed not knowing what I would do with my life. I was in fear of "Not achieving goals" Not getting married Not having kids before I turn 25 So I freaked out, I was … about the fact that I never ever would be the same.

I stayed in the hospital for 7 days and it felt like 70…

After the diagnose was I send to Land's Hospital for a check-up and stayed there for 7 days it wasn’t that long. the people that I have met were not the nicest people on planet earth. I went to my room where I saw a few guys sitting on their beds while talking to each other. one guy with a swollen arm the size of a bodybuilder his arm and the other guy with a swollen belly. the other guys were looking
and I thought of getting better again. I sat on my bed and looked how the doctor would ask the patients questions then came the doctor to my bed and asked me some questions about my health... I pulled my shoes off and closed my eyes. after I woke up did I some chit-chat with one of my roomies and asked them their names and we talked. days went by as I heard what made them come what made them sick to visit the hospital... and one of those guys had some infection he could not drink much water because that would make him feel even sicker and also would that make it more difficult for the hemodialysis process. the guy I talked to was the guy with the swollen arm. he loved to talk and to buff up his made up stories mixed with the truth about his life and about his children. every story that they gave me was a piece of a puzzle why I should Not forget my own health! all the older wise men told me one thing "take care of your self, you don't want to be in the hospital or visit the hospital every day for the rest of your life...

so I did everything to escape the harsh reality just for a few hours.

if you want to know I study CCNA I was preparing for my fifth exam. I took the study notes that my father gave me on the way to the hospital I had also a bible if I needed some help and I studied and studied to break the stress I had from thinking about life every single second of the day I studied for 6 hours with brakes for 7 days straight. families came and went home after the bell went off and one guy came to me and said to me: I like you! you're not extra! you're humble! I was so happy to hear the words that came out of that wise man. but I was not perfect I still needed to change my habits everyone looked at me because I took the time To make something sad and made it colorful, that is something you must do you and me.

I just recently thought of Cancer patients...

do you know why cancer patients never can give up?

because they fight and they walk In faith of being OK even if death is nearby.
they are winners because they never gave up the change of being great
they are strong because they live with pain and go through struggles
they are loyal to their conscious gaining self-trust.
We need to be like them!

after I was released was I still broken up I was so happy seeing more than just the walls I took a moment and took a deep breath. have you ever been to jail? me neither but at my stay at the hospital felt it like jail.

appreciate your life don't limit your self in a mental prison full of boundaries.

after that, I still felt like dog doodoo, I prayed and said him this: GOD, I'm scared I don't know If I'm gonna make it, there are no kidney transplant options for me, my country does not allow this.
what should I do, I don't want to go down as a man pitty man with dignity!
if I die, want I to be a courageous man that did everything in prayers and will to live...
and I stopped praying and went into the house. days went by and I came to this moment I want to be successful but my habits keep killing my dream! I wrote a morning routine and woke up at 5 in the morning I wanted to stop dreaming and do something!

so I wanted to create habits to replace my old ones

• habits can't be killed but you can replace them! *

I felt a little bit better

I looked at a site full of receipts how to make cookies and meals...
and I wanted to make peanut butter mug cake it turned ugly fast I failed

don't be afraid of failing multiple times just learn from them and improve.

I had trouble to do something to write my blog today I was in fear of people downvoting my posts! but
I kept writing and I pushed through it and made this beautiful blog post LOL... DO not fear work hard...

“Do it before it consumes you”
there are always some doubts... doubts to go to school because you didn't make homework on Monday and your exam is tomorrow. just do it like Nike's slogan!

Do it before it’s too late my dad told me...
Writing and reading are important to me it’s releasing stress hormones it gives me human-hope. for me, it’s human-hope but for you maybe it’s singing, dancing, storytelling it doesn’t matter but do it before time runs out...time is precious. my dad is almost 60 and he tells me that he needed to do something to make himself happy not his mother not his sisters, not the guy next door.
helping Is good but do not make it extra. If your helping to make yourself feel good is it not A good thing. do it because it’s the right thing to do.
because he made the investment can he make

he has now 600 banana trees on his land... one banana tree with fruit cost's almost 70 dollars that is 600X70= 42000 Usd.

so do it!!

everything is possible just believe.

note: I hope you enjoyed my blog I will still be writing I love it...
conclusion how did you liked my blog? upvote or comment about it... you guys are motivation for me!
thank u..