How Our Self-Conception Sabotages Our Happiness
It is essential to rethink how we view stress and take charge of our own reality. Stress arises when our view of reality does not align with what is actually happening. The root of stress lies not in external factors but in our interpretations of those factors.
It is predominantly a mental construct, a product of our minds creating narratives that do not always reflect the truth.
Our fears, insecurities, and misconceptions weave a story in our minds that often distracts us from the actual circumstances. Picture a manager navigating a chaotic workweek. The pressures from the company, the team, and personal standards may seem to pile up.
Yet, do they pause to consider, “Are these pressures valid or realistic?” More often than not, they are not. These pressures frequently stem from the stories we tell ourselves, which are based on misunderstandings about what is truly expected of us.
It is crucial to understand that the expectations we perceive at work are often inaccurate. We confuse them with our self-view, which is another narrative we consistently repeat. We seldom question the accuracy of this narrative, even when it begins to feel overwhelming.
We convince ourselves that we must be the ideal leader, the perfect employee, or an ever-reliable team member. These identity narratives become so entrenched in us that we hardly ever challenge their validity.
But are these beliefs correct? More importantly, are they beneficial for our well-being?
Traditional methods of managing stress treat it as an unavoidable part of life. However, what if we reframed stress as a sign of our struggle to manage our internal emotions? What if we directed our efforts toward understanding and reshaping our inner thoughts and feelings?
Imagine a juggler who loses grip of their balls, feeling stressed. Instead of trying to juggle more balls with more hands, the focus should be on refining their technique.
In the same way, we should not merely try to add more strategies to cope with stress but rather enhance our inner techniques for handling our thoughts and feelings.
When coaching leaders to navigate their roles with less stress, the focus begins on their internal emotions and perceptions. Many leaders feel a relentless drive to maintain peak productivity, leading to unnecessary stress.
They often fail to recognize that this pressure primarily stems from their own standards rather than external demands.
Initially, we explore the beliefs that fuel their feelings of inadequacy. Many managers carry the thought that their worth as leaders hinges on their ability to perform and deliver results consistently.
This belief sparks an inner dialogue that never allows them to feel satisfied with their efforts. For instance, I worked with a client who consistently felt "behind" in his tasks.
As we delved into his thoughts, he uncovered a strong, internal belief that his value was contingent on being ahead of expectations. He gauged his self-worth based on productivity, which led to a continuous cycle of stress and self-criticism.
To reduce the source of stress, we must realign our perceptions and expectations with reality.