Movie Review: The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022)

_{[This story might or might not be based on actual events. All the photos are from this website]}

A while ago I had this idea – if I succeeded raising enough funds to make my film (ten million bucks wouldn’t be enough), next thing I would do is get my guys together to start brainstorming. Because what’s the point to try and finish a screenplay, when you don’t know if you’ll have those funds. Besides, what if there are ideas that are just non starters? Screenplays always look like set in stone scripts. Thus it was decided - the stage of writing comes after fundraising.

But there was a problem: how does one fundraise if there’s nothing written? Well, it seemed, if one has some catchy ideas and knows how to pitch them, it could all work out fine. Thus the brainstorming was needed already at this stage.

So we sat and brainstormed. My idea of getting Chuck Norris involved was the first one to make it to the list of provisional screenplay’s main points. Everyone lauded me as a creative genius. Because everyone knows Chuck Norris. You know Chuck Norris, right? One of the many reasons for that is the fact that he does not sleep. He waits. Freddy Krueger knows that better than anyone because the iconic horror wacko has nightmares about Chuck Norris.

One thing I didn’t tell my fellas, but will tell you is: this idea could also be a way to easily weasel oneself into the A list. All one has to do is to make space for oneself as a fan of Chuck Norris into the screenplay. Thank me later for this A list hack.

A question was raised: what happens if Chuck Norris doesn’t agree to star in our film? There should be plans B and C, and maybe more in place, we thought. Nick Cage could be our plan B. Arnie – plan C. We thought we could perhaps use those Chuck Norris jokes with them because they (the jokes) are not copyrighted.

The more we talked about this idea No. 1 on the sheet of paper, the more we liked it. We thought we should start fundraise with it, and the rest may just come all by itself later.

Two weeks on and we were at the same table ready to brainstorm again. We needed a lot more ideas; a fully fleshed out movie – that’s what we have been told by a couple of potential investors whom we approached. Chuck Norris might have succeeded with all that, exceeding anyone’s expectations, but I had to deal with the fact I’m just a fan, not the man himself.

_{Tiffany Haddish and Nicolas Cage in The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.}

At this point a rule was established: the list of main points should consist of everyone’s ideas in equal manner because I wanted the ideas pouring, and I thought the bigger the number of different people contributing, the better the chance of success. Since no one had been warned about this development beforehand, everyone had to come up with something in a flash. We ended up with a nice looking list quickly. This is what was on our list: 1) a James Bond type of mission of saving a kidnapped girl on behalf of government agencies, 2) creating a film within a film before production had started, 3) The Dark Half – one can’t go wrong with fighting oneself Stephen King style, 4) lead character’s problematic relationship with his teenage daughter, 5) a prequel to Leaving Las Vegas, 6) a not too concealed advertisement for a sequel to some movie someone from our team really likes, 7) an adventure in the vein of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, 8) throwing in a Tarantino moment of shootout in a room for a good measure. That’s eight points. I was happy. I was buzzin’. Investors, expect me.

_{Ike Barinholtz as Martin in The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.}

Later that evening I went to see what is that Lionsgate is up to these days by watching The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent starring Nicolas Cage. Bloody Nicolas Cage keeps poppin’ up, right? Which is why I thought all this was a sign by the universe, which wanted for our collaboration to happen. I was looking at that list again while in my seat at the theater waiting for the film to begin, and it was clear to me; that was a role for Nick Cage. There was no way Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas could happen with Chuck Norris, and neither could The Dark Half bit, and then there’s Leaving Las Vegas – it’s all so obvious.

The film began. Actor’s life and tribulations – interesting. Neil Patrick Harris (The Matrix Resurrections) as an agent – this works. Problematic relationship with the daughter – someone had managed to get that plot idea before me; great minds think alike, I guess. And yet this turned out to be something I’d be thinking a few times during the film. To the point where I had to conclude that there is a difference between great minds thinking alike and just reusing someone’s ideas. Hell, why the next thing that came to mind was the list with our ideas? I didn’t even want to think about discarding our list. No, no, no. Eight times no. Surely there must be ways to alter the ideas so that each one of them doesn’t look like the case of plagiarism. But all that wasn’t the only problem I realized I had. Firstly, I think the universe was telling me that releasing a film, which, as a watching experience, is a list of bullet points on a paper would make me dislike my own work. At that point I could think of nothing worse than disliking the result of my efforts when watching a premiere. That is not worth any amount of millions, imo. Secondly – the problem of the absence of genuine human experience, which I try to put on screen. Now, in my mind, there is a thing called suspension of disbelief, which the film I was watching required quite a bit of, and then there is a thing not called anything because it’s just not there, resulting in a really bad watching experience. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas being, in my opinion, the other end of the experience spectrum. The drug use aside, some relationships and chemistry between actors and actresses (I’m looking particularly at you both, Nick Cage of Lord of War and Sharon Horgan of Military Wives) felt as genuine as a music record made by band members who each live in different time zones and put the record together using digital means of communication. Now, I’m not saying that all records made that way sound bad, but on those occasions where one can tell, it’s just a listening experience lacking that soul power that is supposed to make you feel a human connection with the art, and that absence soon makes you want to switch to something you feel is more complete. So, I don’t know, what’s the deal on occasions like that in movies and series – table reads over Zoom? Director who isn't sure about what exactly is that he wants to see, and then messes it up even more at the editing stage? Just a wild guessing here. (My favorite part of backseat driving, which, as you can probably tell, is my expertise.)

_{Nick Cage, Lily Mo Sheen and Sharon Horgan in The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.}

After leaving theater and with the film still fresh in memory I realized, I started having doubts about the quality of the idea of a pool of ideas by many different people eventually making the movie appealing to more people. Something was wrong with my criteria there. What I’d just watched was almost like my project on display, but it was clear that most of the time ideas failed to blend seamlessly into each other; suspension of disbelief was expected to the point where it already ridicules the spectator and all of the aforementioned contributed to the feeling that the whole movie was a bit of that and that, and that too, but in the end it was just Nicolas Cage and Pedro Pascal(The Mandalorian, Game of Thrones) earning enough to feed or otherwise support their families.

_{Nicolas Cage and Pedro Pascal in The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent. Photo by Katalin Vermes/Lionsgate.}

Today, writing this review I’m thinking of turning my screenplay into a film where Chuck Norris arrives in Las Vegas (Vegas because it is a sign of the universe that keeps popping up) and basically makes all the casinos go bust. Then he gives all that money to a filmmaker so that a sequel to a one time most expensive film ever made called Waterworld can be filmed. As a Chuck Norris film these days, it should be just 8 minutes long, 7 of those showing titles and credits. Which in turn would mean I wouldn’t need that much of investor money. No brainstorming sometimes is the best brainstorming.

On the final note; I think it really works against you if you settle for the title, which promises so much of actor's talent, but the film itself is hardly a competition to Being John Malkovich on any level. Cage deserves more.

Peer Ynt

**** Read my review of 2021 film Prisoners of the Ghostland starring Nicolas Cage here.

**** Read my review of 1994 film Ed Wood about "the worst director of all time", who was an expert in suspension of disbelief here.