“Let It Go” and Other Bad Advice from Songs

Sound advice? A psychological look at song lyrics—with the professional opinion of Simon Trepel, MD.

Listening to “Let It Go” a lot, on repeat, (as parents know all too well) led me to wonder if the words Elsa sings are actually good advice. Then I began questioning the validity of other “self-help”-like songs.

I’m no expert in psychology, so I did what so many people have told me to do before: “seek help.” Luckily, there’s a doctor in the house. Meet Simon Trepel, MD—a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist from Winnipeg, Canada.

So, Doctor, I heard Melissa Manchester’s “Don’t Cry Out Loud” a while back…

Don’t cry out loud
Just keep it inside, learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all

and immediately thought: well, that’s just terrible advice. I believe that’s suppression of your emotions, which is a big no-no. No?

Simon Says: You are correct. Life sucks sometimes and we all deal with stressful situations in different ways. We call these defense mechanisms, and suppression is definitely a fan favorite. There are times this one comes in handy, when the boss is pissing you off, but over time this is not a healthy way to deal with problems. Chronic emotional suppression can lead to sudden outbursts of emotions in ways that can be extremely impulsive or destructive. Isn’t that right, Elsa?

Recalling the hugely popular Bobby McFerrin mantra-like “Don’t Worry Be Happy,” I went back and took a look at those lyrics for a bit…

Ain’t got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don’t worry, be happy
The landlord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
Don’t worry (Ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha)
Be happy (Look at me, I’m happy)

I’m fairly laid back, but I don’t think I could laugh off my landlord threatening to sue. And I think someone coming and TAKING my bed might worry me a little. Should I NOT be concerned and just “be happy?” Isn’t that deflection or something?

Simon Says: Deflection is a good guess but, in this case, the answer is a bit more complicated and really depends upon the situation. If you find yourself ruminating late at night about the neighbor’s cat pooping in your garden, then I think Mr. McFerrin’s lyrics are good medicine. Most of us worry too much about things that don’t matter much in the big picture.

On the other hand, if we are talking about your furniture being repossessed, or your landlord threatening legal action, not worrying is likely unhealthy denial. When that stuff happens, my advice would be to start getting pretty worried about finding yourself some steady income.

There has to be SOME song out there with sound (hehe) psychological advice. “Hold On,” what would Wilson Phillips do! They know there’s pain…

I know there’s pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don’t ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?
Some day somebody’s gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don’t you know?
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day

Seems legitimately logical, but is just waiting for the next day to come really going to solve your problems? I know no medical term for this, but procrastination is a pretty big word and also ends in “-tion.”

Simon Says: At first glance, the lyrics do seem to indicate Phillips et al. are advocating putting things off, which is sometimes called displacement, or perhaps even denial. As I read the lyrics, I could not help but hear the sweet, high-pitched harmonies as an MTV video played in my head and it all became clear: I think this message is addressing addiction. And the underlying hope of the message is for the listener to find the inner strength to hold on for one more day and not give in to the illicit demon tapping them on the shoulder daily. It could also be about flowers.

So back to those lyrics of the song every child (I assume even in Canada) knows: “Let It Go.”

Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well, now they know!
Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door!
I don’t care what they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway

What do we think, Doc? Is being the queen in “a kingdom of isolation” a good thing or is turning away and slamming the door a bit, well, childish?

Simon Says: Great question. If you have uncontrollable powers with the potential to destroy all of civilization, it may be a wise idea to hang out by yourself for a while until you have Armageddon in check. For the other 100% of young girls watching this video, this is terrible advice. The images are rife with perfectionism, isolation of affect, suppression, repression, I think you get the idea.

To be fair: in the movie, there was a resolution with mutual acceptance of “faults,” or at least differences, as well as an appreciation of the parts of all of us that are capable of doing both great harm as well as beauty.
But if we are just focusing on the song’s lyrics, then I would say: you should probably get a second opinion.

Thanks to the good doctor for providing his sage counsel (read more from him at Simon Says Psych Stuff, here on Medium and on Facebook). And thank you for reading this. Read more from me.

Doctor’s orders!

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This article originally appeared on Medium. Photo by Elena Prokofyeva.

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Ernio is new here, say hello. More from me via email and on ernio.com. (@ernio on Slack, Medium and Twitter.)