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RE: Music- The Food For the Soul

in #music7 years ago

A good short story, @photon12! You can improve it by making your sentences shorter. By using commas (,) as much as you are, you are creating run-on sentences. The usage of punctuation to create very complex sentences is a difficult skill to master. Most often, you will do better to keep your sentences shorter, and limit comma usage to one or two per sentence. More than two commas per sentence is an indication that you are probably over-using them, and should re-structure your sentence into shorter segments.

For English language skills improvement coaching I will demonstrate what I mean using your first paragraph. You can follow my suggested model, and re-write your other sentences in a similar way. By taking the time to do this throughout this short story you will gain practice and skill. You will be able to edit your article any time before the payout freeze.

Emeka ran as fast he could from his uncle who seemed like he had dined with the devil and their agreement was to bring hell closer to him. Blood dripped from his leg, his uncle's belt had decided to claim a spot on his body, he looked at his hand, they were swollen red, if only he had clapped with those hands and given glory, even God would have left his throne to be with man, but here he was, sitting on the floor just beside an abandoned umbrella he had also been beaten with.

  • Emeka ran as fast he could. His uncle seemed like he had dined with the devil, and their agreement was to bring Hell closer to him. Blood dripped from his leg. His uncle's belt had decided to claim a spot on his body. He looked at his swollen red hands. If only he had clapped with those hands, and given glory! God would have left his throne to be with him. Instead, here he was, sitting on the floor beside the abandoned umbrella he had been beaten with.

There are many ways to structure English sentences. These are just my suggestions. I hope this coaching will be helpful for you.

I've upvoted and resteemed this article as one of my daily post promotions on the @mitneb Curation Trail. It will be featured in my daily curation report on 13 JAN 2018.

Cheers!