Totaling My Sex Drive (Title Track of my Debut EP)

This is the title track of my debut EP

After my first fall term of college I was exhausted and a little bit annoyed. I had been working at Forever 21 over the summer and met a girl that I really liked. At first I thought I had zero chance with her but we started to become friends and eventually I told her how I felt.

We agreed to go on a date to a haunted house but it became more of a hang out with her friends. Afterward she told me she wanted to keep things on a friend level because she was scared to lose me. I didn't handle it in the best way but I also didn't turn psycho, just to be fair. I opened up about some of the issues I have had with depression in high school and she was really nice about the whole situation actually. Eventually I left and told her I wanted a bit of time to just let the potential relationship go and that I still very much wanted to be friends.

The next week she wouldn't respond to my texts later and I was really confused why. Eventually her roommate (who I was friends with) texted me after also ignoring me for that entire time. She immediately jumped in by saying I owed her money because she helped build my costume for that night. I thought "Sure, yeah, I guess that's fair." until she told me that she wanted $60!

I was livid. This girl who had just aimlessly spent a ton of money (my money really), didn't ask before doing so, and ignored me until she realized she still needed something from me. To also put things into context I was (and still am to a good extent) a poor college student. My bank account didn't even have $60 in it at the time. I basically told her to fuck off and I wasn't going to pay her.

The next day while I was at school, the girl I had liked and another one of their friends proceeded to hunt me down. The friend demanded that I pay which I just rolled my eyes at and walked away. The girl I liked was more tactful and asked what was going on. I told her that I wasn't going to pay someone who spent my money irresponsibly (she wasn't working either which also didn't make me more sympathetic since I was working full time and going to school full time) and then proceeded to ignore me. Then I asked her why SHE was ignoring me. Apparently she decided she didn't want to deal with my depression issues (I had mostly learned to manage them back in high school). She decided I was crazy and a waste of her time. The thing that pissed me off wasn't that she thought I was crazy. The thing that made me mad was the fact that she had neglected all of the times I was there for her. There was even a night where she was crying and I called her for 2 - 3 hours to help calm her down. I don't deserve boyfriend status but to decide I'm too much trouble to be friends with was very telling of her character.

This was what got me working on the EP. I decided I was done with chasing love when I had so many other aspirations I should be focusing on. If I had used all the time hanging out with her to expand my own social group or work on my creative projects I'd have a sizable portfolio. Instead I got to deal with this disaster. Towards the end of the song you see me open up a little bit. I realized towards the end of writing it that it's not like love is inherently bad. I was mostly frustrated with my lack of success in finding someone after my first relationship in high school. I felt unwanted and overall undesirable. My attitude about that aspect of my life has changed a lot since then but that's for another post. Let me know what you think of the song. The other two and more are on my SoundCloud and will be uploaded to Steemit soon.