Overthinking kills creativity
It is always my hobby to update myself by checking my weekly progress. I was trained by my parents when I was young to keep striving for whatever type of dragon I would face. That is the reason why I am always motivated to achieve something every week.
Lately, I have been struggling with my "usual personal problem", a way to make deal with myself.
Way back when I was in senior high school, fitting in with certain groups are a big problem for me. I do not see myself yet in the eyes of others. I was hoping before that someone will frankly speak to me about how I acted out from their perspectives, at least I will be able to get a point of view as to how I behave with them. Even in my college days, this overthinking of mine has been carried out and I cannot escape myself ending up solo in the corner of the room. I need help. I need someone to talk to. But who am I to be treated better than others? I don't need special treatment, I need someone to express with all of my thinking because eventually it will burst out.
Then, I always end up getting no circles. That is the time I keep on overthinking, what is the reason I feel this kind of thinking? Are my feelings of loneliness true and considered valid? or are they just my works of overthinking?
These are some of my personal questions that can trigger my overthinking:
- Why are they silent? Is silence means an excuse to avoid any fuel to the fire?
- Is there really a fire? How did I start it?
- How come I can feel aloof treatment towards my colleagues or am supposed to be considered friends?
- Am I worthy? Can I be a good friend?
- Am I not friendly?
- Is my behavior far from the norms and I always end up being the separate one?
- Is there something weird about me that they find weird to deal with me?
That is the time I started to lose my creativity.
The picture above is one of my saddest memories in life. My father's death and one my favorite person in the world. It will also trigger my depression, thus, increasing my drive to overthink a lot. Whenever I do something, I am now starting to feel anxious about my work because I have this fear in my mind that others will comment something negative about me. Even if they will commend my works, there is still this mental perception of mine (which is not good) that never trust short-term reactions.
What is overthinking?
Cambridge dictionary has defined overthinking as an act of thinking about something too much, to the point that it will devour our inner-self. There is rumination happening because there is an activity in our mind that keeps on recurring, gradually eating our way of thinking. According to Nolen-Hoeksema (1991), we have a common repetitive and unproductive way of thinking about the past. Overthinking can make us less productive because we keep on thinking about our past, present, and even the future.
Thinking about our past is okay, however, thinking too much digs down to our failures, regrets and resentments follow afterward. We tend to regret something and we keep on overthinking hoping that there are still ways to recover those things. You know already what are your personal struggles and I believe regrets are most of the time present when you overthink your past.
Thinking about your present is crucial because it has a direct impact on how you are motivated to continue living in the future. One common practice that people do when overthinking the present is how to deal with people, how circumstances will be faced, and how your personality and identity be different in the present than your past self.
Overthinking about the future is too much to the point that even though our life is not predicted by someone, we tend to assume someone dictates our actions. That is why we started to get anxious and have fears in dealing with people. We have this embedded negative feeling back in our minds that others cannot see, but we can be easily triggered. We tend to be preoccupied and think am I worthy to live? Our future plans that are supposed to be better are erased and our productivity is being killed.
My overthinking has made me become feel worthless even though I can.
However, I saw a quote online, according to Stephen Scott,
I know I cannot give you better advice because I am not the right person to talk to and give you good insights about this one. But, one thing is for sure, you are not alone and will never be alone.
Stephen Scott's suggestions are ideal, however, you can actually do it. It is true that you can control your mind and form new habits so that your anxiety will be at least relieved. Fears will also be eliminated and can be of great motivation. Our overthinking started with our unexpressed inner criticism and with controlling it, we can silence it through channeling more energy, and from the help of the people we trust to talk with.