Game of Thrones Review: "Dragonstone" (Episode 7.01)

I kinda hate when people write sentences one word at a time, separated by periods, to make an emphatic point, and yet I have this irresistible impulse to write that

WINTER. CAME. FOR. THE. RAT. PEOPLE.

What a blistering opening scene! It was the highlight of a solid episode, it finally brings Arya back into action after a semi-boring, semi-interesting apprenticeship at the House of Black and White, and it kills a bunch of human weasels after a sweet lecture about bad behavior. Honestly, the only drawback is that all the Freys are dead now, and it happened so fast. We got to enjoy Walder’s death last season, but this was almost too quick. For what it’s worth, I think Benioff & Weiss should invent more Freys just so Arya can really take her time and enjoy the hunt. Who wouldn’t want to see an hour episode of her stalking and killing people named “Bilberon Frey” and “Pervy Walder,” or whatever?

(Side note: Do we actually understand what Arya learned in Braavos? Has it ever been explained why she can put on a face that has presumably been carved from a body, but then her whole body and voice are also that other person? Is it supposed to be just magic? If it’s just magic, did she really need to spend years washing dead people and fighting blindly with sticks in the alleys of Braavos?)

But alas, Arya moves on, meets Ed Sheeran in the woods, and gets them to laugh at a classic joke about killing Cersei Lannister. And our other characters have moved on as well—like many first episodes, “Dragonstone” was a table-setter, catching us up on all our favorites. Dany is at Dragonstone, Sam is in the Citadel, the Hound is moving north with the Lord of Light crew, Jon and Sansa are experiencing the start of minor tensions that could blossom into something else at Winterfell (egged on by Littlefinger, of course), and Jaime is starting to lose all remaining faith in Cersei, the newest, maddest queen.

Let’s start with Sam. Remember the famous scene in A Clockwork Orange when they use the so-called “Ludovico technique,” a course of aversion therapy involving a bizarre snuff film, to make Alex become severely ill at the thought of violence? I feel like that’s what happened to me during Sam’s training montage, except instead of hating violence, now I will picture pots of liquid shit in my mind’s eye every time I see a book. Why did they have to inter-cut those two very unrelated objects? I know you’re trying to distinguish your show from George R.R. Martin’s books, HBO, but there’s no need for this kind of literary psychological terror.

Regardless, Sam’s story felt satisfying, and critical—he needs to help Jon get some of that sweet, sweet dragonglass—and I’m looking forward to seeing whether he can help poor Jorah cure his Greyscale. I also enjoyed Jorah’s technique of trying to get news about Dany, which was to shoot his Greyscaled hand out, zombie-like, as though the best way to win friends at the Citadel is to threaten your only point of human contact with Westeros’ answer to leprosy.

Less enjoyable? Petry Baelish, our boy Littlefinger, who continues to be one of the worst characters in the show. This is a personal hobbyhorse, but I’ll risk repeating myself—compared to the book version, TV Baelish has no cunning, no intelligence, and very little in the way of sound strategy. All he can do is brood and make the most obvious sinister overtures, and basically everyone hates him. I wish we could skip everything that happens with him this season, and go straight to his death. Because let’s be honest—even the writers know the Baelish experiment hasn’t worked, and are basically just running out the clock. (Sansa’s parting shot at the end of their convo, “no need to seize the last word, Lord Baelish, I’ll assume it was something clever,” is essentially a refutation of the entire weak sauce character. He should have just jumped off the balcony then and saved us some time.)

I wasn’t thrilled with Daenerys, either, Josh. She’s on Westeros now, but her essential pattern hasn’t changed:

1. Stare into the distance with a little smirk.
2. Say something dramatic as the music swells.

Is she all image? Now that she’s at Dragonstone, will she finally start kicking ass? I hope so, because it’s been a dull ride lately for what should be one of the most captivating characters on the show. Plus, she’s got Tyrion and Varys with her, two of the most fascinating characters—if those two can’t inject some electricity into her storyline, nobody can.

But the best duo of the episode, by far, was Jon and Sansa. It warmed me to my heart to hear Sansa admit that Ned and Robb lost their lives not just because of a dishonorable world, but because they made a series of stupid decisions. Jon Snow has the respect of his people, but as we’ve seen over and over again, from the mutiny at the wall to the near-disaster that was the Battle of the Bastards, he’s got a lot of his “father” and “brother” in him when it comes to political strategizing. If Sansa has learned to be a bit more savvy, he should listen to her.

(However, it’s less heartening to hear that Sansa’s model may be Cersei, who is equally moronic in the leadership department, and currently managing to destroy an entire kingdom while hatching enemies in new and unexpected place.)

I’ll leave it there for now, Josh, and I haven’t even touched on brand new villain Euron Greyjoy or the Hound’s flame-visions. Overall, I thought it was a solid start to season seven, with an unbelievable cold open and a couple causes for mild concern. What did you think?