New Zealand Cliff with FOMO Decides to Try Cliff Diving in Tragic Suicide

CHRISTCHURCH, NZ - New Zealand is known to many as a land of beauty and wonder, however today it is a site of tragedy. After several hundreds of years of watching, and feeling, twenty-somethings traveling through the islands attempting to “find themselves”, “redefine living” and “take a route off the beaten path”, by diving off its plateau, a New Zealand Cliff has sadly, ended his time as a vehicle for finding meaning in young travelers’ lives. Some may ostensibly view this “dive” as a result of an earthquake, which recently took place in the area, however the cliff took it’s own dive into the ocean yesterday afternoon after a long battle with, what many are calling, a serious case of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).

Experts cite the FOMO complex as a chronic fear of narrowly missing out on any fun, joyous, happy, life-changing, or otherwise enjoyable events. While this type of complex is commonly found in twenty-somethings looking to change their lives in some dramatic fashion (i.e. cliff diving), it is also found in aging rock formations.

In this case, the cliff seemed to belong to know what it felt like to actually cliff dive; understandably so, after countless years of watching young people let their hair down and finally break free. Neighboring cliffs lament the loss, stating “He was always a fan favorite among backpackers and expats”,

“I can’t believe he could be such an idiot.”, and “This will really increase the workload for the rest of us, I hope it was worth it, Cliff!”. Backpackers and nomads with insanely expensive cameras were also affected by the loss; one stating in an interview, “Well shit, that was the best one on the coast. Guess I’ll go back to Queenstown now.” another alumnus diver wrote, “You gave me strength, you gave me pain, I wish I could jump from you again. May the sea be as kind to you as it has been to all of us.”

This message can of course be found, rolled up and tied with used thread, in a bottle purchased at a trendy thrift shop in that new developing district, now afloat at sea.