You There! How Would You Like to Get Paid to Read My Shit?

in #newsteem5 years ago (edited)

Are you sick of paying for your entertainment?
Do warm, fuzzy feelings piss you off?
Are you already thinking this must be some sort of scam?

Are you answering yes within your mind as if someone is actually speaking to you?

Yes.jpeg

Of Course You Are!
and
You've Come to the Right Place!

My name is @NoNamesLeftToUse The Writer/Artist/One Hell of a Guy Himthefuckself, and I will be your host.

Today, I have an exciting offer!

I currently seek an audience large enough to fill a stadium and then some. My vision includes people hanging from the rafters, people outside getting pepper sprayed and beat down by cops, and people inside feeling drunk as fuck on tears of joy!

The only thing holding me back from instantly achieving this purified form of insanity I call greatness is this goddamn blogging platform I'm currently using.

STEEM is Fucking Awesome

We simply don't have the numbers yet to sustain any sort of viable entertainment industry. This is baffling. I can't seem to wrap my head around it. People, literally, get paid, to hit a "like" button around here!

Durp!

That's right! Imagine a plane of existence that included you getting paid every time you hit the "like" button on Facebook or Youtube. You know damn well you've done this very simple action with your fancy motor skills thousands if not millions of times in your life.

And You Didn't Get Shit!

You sat there on your ass for a decade slurping up all forms of media, getting fat, and never once did the shit you enjoyed that day ever pay for your next cheeseburger!

Those days are over my friends!

Let's be honest though, this won't make you rich, so stop dreaming! Wake up!

I'm pretty damn sure though, if you were given a lil somethin somethin for your efforts when it came time to show your appreciation for the high quality entertainment or information you prefer, that might be enough to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

Have a Look at this Fake Testimonial from the Future


Hi! Is this thing on? Hello? Hello? How did I get here? Mom?


Whoa! Sorry about that! Let's try it again, shall we? Hopefully with a little less idiot this time.


Hi! My name is Nancy and I've been a member of Steemit since 2017.

Earlier this week, my shitty little laptop crapped out on me. I've been using it to consume cat videos and information about sustainable horticultural solutions for a little over five years.

I'd be devastated, have to take out a loan and say, "No college for you, kids," had it not been for Steemit.com!

Over time, I was able to accumulate a few hundred dollars by simply showing my appreciation and hitting a "like" button. It all added up, little by little, and turned out to be enough to purchase the best laptop I've ever had the privilege of owning!

Now I don't feel so guilty sitting on my ass all day. I know full well, consuming the information I enjoy online will continuously pay for a new device so I can keep coming back for more! I even lost thirty pounds and I'm the envy of all my friends!

I love you!


Nancy, your story touched my heart. You are a beautiful human being. I love you too.

But That's Not All!

No Sir, Ma'am, It, These, Those and Them Over There. This short bus of cultivated happiness will not be stopping any time soon!

Now

You've enjoyed your online experience. You've hit that nifty little button to say, "Dayum son! That was some good shit right there! Keep it coming you dirty slut!"

Something still feels like it's missing though. You feel like saying something to the actual producer of the glorious online experience you somehow managed to live through without leaking urine all over the brand new chair you recently purchased using your I fucking love this shit rewards.

Breathe! Are you ready?

You Get Paid for That Shit Too!

That's right! You could sign up today, drop me a line in the comment section below and if I don't think you're a complete tool, I may just hit that little "like" button myself!

Cha-ching! Money in the bank!

Just think of all those times you headed over to Youtube, witnessed some cool-ass video, put your two cents worth of information into the comment box, got completely ignored or worse... reamed out by an army of trolls for six years!

Was it worth it?

No, dammit! It wasn't! That could all change for you today though if you know what's good for you.

Welcome to My Stadium!

When was the last time you went to a live performance and they handed you a five-spot at the door for showing up?

Never! You pay them every time unless you're some kind of sleazebag who sneaks in the back door only to be met with two fists and a boot up the ass. Sometimes you'll spend three years saving up just so you can go stand in line for two hours outside in the cold with the hopes they'll eventually let you inside to see some egomaniac have a public meltdown and then storm off stage yelling about chicken fingers and no dip!

How many times has an artist continuously produced your favorite style of entertainment all while handing you a piece of the pie?

Never! Unless you count that shitty creased up poster that came along with the trendy recording on vinyl. Do you like being treated like a child during happy meal time? Is your life one big fucking cereal box?

No!

So get your ass on here faster than the bible insurance salesman skipped town.

  • Bookmark this page!

  • Sign on up!

  • Don't lose your damn password you asshole, that's your bank card now!

  • Don't forget to share this message all over the world on every social media platform you can shake a click at! The more people we have jumping on this grandstanding bandwagon, the easier it'll be for you to make that money!

  • Come on down to the comment section and say, "Thank you, crazy mystery man! You saved my life!"

  • For that you'll earn your first penny. If others come along to hook you up, you might even get a shiny new nickel!

"But, that's not enough..."

You can check your damn entitlement issues at the door! Have you not been paying attention? It adds up over time! Don't you realize tomorrow exists and yesterday is nothing but a cesspool of your bullshit if you don't change that attitude! You've been sitting there on your ass enjoying things for free for this many years. It's about damn time you got paid for it!

And don't forget to tell your mom!

That way, we can finally put this little puzzle to rest once and for all.

helpedmom.jpeg

That's right! I helped your mom!

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Technical Mumbo Jumbo

It's not free, unless you want it to be!

Purchasing STEEM to reward your favorite creators is a revolutionary method of tipping those you feel deserving of rewards. Many independent online content creators will ask for donations. You hand them $100, that money is gone forever. Hand them another $100, that many is gone forever! Noticing a pattern?

You're wasting your money! You're treating content producers in the same way you would a stripper working the pole at the sleazy bar on the outskirts of town!

With STEEM, you can spend that same $200, keep it locked away securely in your own fancy new online wallet, and tip your favorite producers of what keeps you busy during your down time, forever!

The more STEEM you purchase, the more you're allowed to give each time you hit that upvote button.

But that's not all! All curators such as yourself, big and small, earn a fair percentage of those rewards you hand out, in return!
I'm not even kidding.

That's how you get paid to read my shit!

Spend $200, tip about 10 or more of your favorite content producers, every day, forever, and get a return on that initial investment of $200!

You're not required to spend $200. You can invest whatever you're comfortable with but the more you invest, the more you'll earn.

And at any point, if you're sick of all this shit, you can take whatever value you have in your wallet and say, "Screw you guys! I'm going home!"

So what do you say?

Are you planning to keep throwing your money away...

Or will you invest, today?

The choice, is yours.

Tah-tah!

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Disclaimer: I represent myself and only myself. If you're not interested in a maniacal artist using the written word to have fun from time to time, there are plenty of others here who you might enjoy. Everything from the foodie article to the science paper; all things in between. Original videos, vlogs, music, photography, art, games; it's all available here. Members come from every continent, nearly all cultures can find something they'll enjoy. Possessing basic knowledge of cryptocurrency is an asset but not required; learn as you go. Sign up processing time may take more than a few days so please be patient.

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Credits:
All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
NoNamesLeftToUse Outro.png

"Fun with marketing. Don't forget to share!"

© 2019 @NoNamesLeftToUse.

Sort:  

Hahaha this is just awesome and what I call good marketing xD
So lets help more moms xD

Posted using Partiko Android

Yes, marketing comes in many shapes and sizes. I hope this time around the message gets shared and people can see the benefits of not throwing their money away. Mom's will have more money now for doing mom things!

Du erhieltest aufgrund deiner LanaCharleenToken ein Upvote von @sebescen81 und von @lanacharleen alt-Text
Vielen lieben Dank für euren Support. Der Account meiner Tochter wächst und gedeiht.

I once had a chocolate 🍩 that didn't taste as good as this post. Thanks!

I knew a beaver that ate a post once.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear you enjoyed yourself and I hope you can go the extra mile and share it around. Have a good one!

I think this is properly the best(and honest) marketing article I have ever seen for steemit :D
I very much enjoyed it!
Brb gotta share it

Posted using Partiko Android

Thanks for sharing! Glad you enjoyed it and had fun.

I read this and upvote.. now I patiently wait 7 days for my $0.0001 curation payment.

Well you'd have a heck of a lot more than that coming in if you actually used your SP combined with allowing the vote power to charge! I see room for improvement my friend! Thanks for everything though! Feel free to share this around!

Lol point taken. I wait patiently for my VP to recover and delegations to return. :-)

Posted using Partiko Android

Good post, man! I give you my "like"!
:-)

I like receiving likes!

Yup you'd be stackin EarMuffs all day long. But no question you hit the nail on the head here. People need to wake the fuck up and realize they can keep making Facebook and youtube money or start earning a little for themselves. Long term thinking is needed...the cheap whores that post to earn 18c and then cash it out are stupid...no matter how broke you are. Actually the more broke you are the more you need to be thinking long term since you aren't saving for your future in any other way.

Hope your message gets out there or at least some form of this message. We just need to get the snowball started rolling down the hill...once growth starts things will compound.

Here comes the muffin man.

This place is dying for consumers content with earning what consumers are entitled to earn here. We don't need more spammers taking up space, thinking they're going to strike it rich. The quality content producers are dying for eyes. Consumers who actually purchase a bit of STEEM would be ideal and like I keep saying, there's no better deal around for entertainment. And yes, once they learn their initial small investment could suddenly go from penny votes to dime votes and their reward value climbs, we're golden, they're golden, happy happy fun time for everyone.

Content Consumers are needed for sure. Hard part is getting them to understand the concept of what steem is. Seems like with each HF there is new technical jargon that gets added to any reasonable explanation of how Steem works. When people feel the need to appear smart they use technical jargon and create new ways to complicate simple processes. This has been happening for some time with Steem and while each step is meant to "fix an issue" it creates new ones and has made Steem very complicated for a new person to understand IF you try and teach them everything at once.

As an example when someone starts a new game they don't need to know everything, instead there is a step by step option to learn some basics. These basics are the building blocks to all future success in the game. Once these building blocks are learned you then add on new knowledge to this base of knowledge and it's not overwhelming because you learned everything in manageable chunks.

We need something like this when new people come to steem. Some sort of direction for them to start off with that is very manageable and doesn't require knowing all of the technical info of RC's, VP, Steem, SP, SBD, 50/50 or 100% power up, vote curves, witnesses, payout schedules, 10 different coins and entry points for steem content, and so forth. Something that is babysteps for the masses who have no or limited knowledge of the steem blockchain.

Much of the first day complexities vanish the moment they actually purchase STEEM. The one's wanting the free account the free lunch are the folks confused because they can't find the sandwiches; there aren't any sandwiches.

There's no need to explain much of the technical stuff. The automobile and smart phone prove that. It just needs to work, on the surface. Learn as you go. Look how many folks out there are still afraid to adjust settings on their phones. Yet they can still make a call, send a text, check the weather. Does a car salesman sell the engine and chassis or the interior and paint job?

And I should add, if anyone actually shows up to this comment section, in a week, a month, whatever. I'm a damn good guy to have around, to help point them in the right direction.

Is reading your shit kind of like reading tea leaves? See what's settled after the flush, maybe? If so, how much is it going to earn me and does it smell, bad? Because if it smells really nasty, then I'm gonna want it to be worth my while.

Posted using Partiko Android

Everyone knows my shit doesn't stink.
Ha!

Off to learn divination then. ;D

Posted using Partiko Android

Question: Is your stadium clothing optional? Asking for a friend. 😎

Also, Imma need more information on how Nancy lost 30 pounds...

And finally... can you make me famous?
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Clothing optional on Wednesdays. Nancy tried meth. *And... probably not.

The comment section was just as entertaining as the actual post!

Posted using Partiko Android

DUDE! @nonameslefttouse
Hi.
I was thinking...
Stop me if I'm being cray...
How would you feel about me reading this post... in a video?
Of course, I'd pimp you out. Require all love be aimed at you.
And no hard feelings if not.
I mean... I may cry... but I'll totally do it privately, in a closet, with a pint of Häagen-Dazs Midnight Cookies and Cream Ice Cream...

Feel free. Go right ahead. I've watched some of your work and I'm confident you'd be able to pick up on all of the different tones contained within the writing. There's a lot of energy there, it takes a bit of acting — I think you could do it. You're a character.

Don't be afraid to do a really good job.

THANK YOU!!!! And... Indeed. 😎

I have a whole plan. If I'm able to pull it off... it will be amazing. I MAY even tag it creativecoin (though I've not been able to use that tag yet... Ironic, as I'm SUPER creative...anyway)...

Weird thing: I often AM afraid to do a really good job... subconsciously. I mean, consciously I totally think and desire to be awesome... but something underneath is scerred... and thus fights me. But I'm getting better.

This piece though. I'm thinking I'm can make it into something both of us will be proud of. And if not... we burn it with FIRE!!!
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I'll keep some gas around nice and close in case it doesn't want to light.

Just have fun with it.

Did you ever do the thing you said you were going to do?

OMG! NO! I've not!

But thanks for the reminder...
I have been creating many a video lately... And this would still be amazing....

Let me put it in my actual To Do List (Notion, that app is amazing)... and see what becomes of it.

Hahaha :)

Posted using Partiko Android

This kinda makes sense, I'm tired of getting abused by strippers and content producers. Investing in steem is like having an account at the strip club that rewards you every time you tip an entertainer. If I tip enough I can earn some back to buy an $8 draft beer!!!

That's the point! It's not about getting rich. For the consumer it's about not wasting money! Not throwing it away! It's genius. This place needs those consumers. Hundreds of thousands of them. Content with just having a good time, and being rewarded accordingly.

A 100% upvote my friend. I enjoy your posts a lot and they keep me inspired. Stay strong!

Posted using Partiko Android

Thank you! Hopefully you'll be able to find a place to share this as well.