We are raised too hard as Nigerian men: Parents are distant and rule with fear

Sometimes, I get angry or should I say excessively jealous when I see some of my friends chilling out with their dads as if they are mates. And it is not some kinda chill out that wouldn’t involve “hey, dude…aren’t you old for this shit kinda” talk. To the extent that I get disturbed and see that as a form of disrespect in the not so little order and at some point I wanted to stop visiting these guys so that I won’t be caught ”dud-ing” my father too later. As you know, habits are transferable.

Let’s face it, that was the reality of some of us in this clime. Except if you are some mixed breed or you did most of your growing up in a well-developed civilized society or an enlightened home then you are saved from this hasty generalization. I say “hasty” because I didn’t carry out an extensive research on this, not for the lack of time but as a result of my seeing it happen to one, two, three persons, even yours truly. But it’s still a material worth looking into for further research.

Beyond the many factors that accounts for the abuse of the patriarchal system in place today is the subtle and less attention paid to the act of parenting on the parts of our parents

---

Source
In fact, it is not out of place to relate many atrocities, women bashing, male chauvinism and all what not to the deprivation and non-socialization meted to us by our parents and this most times happens in high power distance homes. By power distance, I mean the extent to which parents expect unequal power distribution with their children. In a high power distance home, parents teach children to obey them always and raise them with fear while in a low power distance home, parents treat children as equals.

Growing up was tough and you could hardly have a say in what issues being discussed as you will be constantly reminded with that tried, tested and trusted line of “Is that your book you are reading”. Much worse is if you try to make a date with your favourite cartoon program after waiting tirelessly for hours for the national television to resume work by 4pm, and then you will realize that bad things happen also to those who wait.

---

()
![unnamed (1).jpg]
Source
A friend once said there is a linkage between the distantness of parents and social marginalization of their kids. He went on to state that ”whatever way your father treated you, there’s high likelihood you are going to treat your children the same way if you do not consciously break the yoke” and the cycle continues.

hmmm….

And as you know, that called for a deep introspection for me and I began to relate in some way the distantness of parents as an additional factor beyond those already known (like poverty, ideological sentiments etc.) as to why young men become involved in terrorism, rebellion, raiding and all other criminal or law breaking acts.

---

source

Also, I related it to the kind of relationship a son (of a high power distant parent) would have with his wife. Of course, there is no gainsaying that it will be the I’m home, oya bring dinner, tidy the bed, prepare my bath water type of relationship. Because he has recognized high power distance as a rule of thumb for maintaining the headship of the family. Apparently, many dysfunctions happening in homes today cannot be unrelated to the social upbringing of the players involved (players here are the couple).

Finally, I urge all victims of parental dysfunction to get out of their shell and break the yoke of high power distance. Let's end the cycle with our generation and ask yourself Naso we go dey dey?(Is this how we will continue) and embrace the culture of modern parenting ( which is low power distance).

Thank you for reading and your support always

I will appreciate your comments and insights on this.