Night terrors
Since I can remember, I have had night terrors. In addition to the anxiety and depression I fight during the day, I have a sleep disorder... one where I am not paralyzed when I am dreaming, so I act out my dreams physically .. to the point where i throw punches, scream for help, kick, bite and scream more. My current nightmares all revolve around my abusive ex boyfriend, his adult children and my alcoholic dad in the house i grew up in... by they way.. the alcoholic dad died in January.. surrounded by over 150 Smirnoff vodka bottles, a house filled with garbage, vomit, urine, feces and unpaid bills. He died alone, with 3 years worth of unpaid bills, taxes , no will for the living trust he was in charge of.... so basically a gigantic mess.... with me.. the only living relative left... in all my nightmares, my dad is dead, drunk and angry.... and won't believe that he is dead.... most of my dreams involve me trying to escape his drunken rages, being chased by the ex boyfriend and his adult kids....I run in circles and fight for my life in my dreams... only to wake up more tired than when I went to sleep, drenched in sweat and totally Tangled in my blankets..I usually wake up screaming for help......
one of the last nightmares I had, I woke up screaming "Help, FIRE"... and it woke up my housemate....then I heard sirens... thinking maybe a neighbor heard me screaming and called the fire dept.... the sirens ended up going in the other direction... but I was a scared for a minute, trying to think of how I would explain myself if there was a knock on my door.... the housemate knows of my condition, so even though the screams wake her... she knows that it's typically me having nightmares and will not wake me...
I have tried everything I can to ease this sleep disorder....medications, teas, vitamins, herbs, meditation, hypnosis, ..... ya know what works.... a natural plant... that in some states has been recognized as a medication, in some states has been legalized for recreation..... unfortunately, I am now living in a state that does not recognize either.... so.. I am out of luck and just have to hope that my state will get with it... until then... I live with night terrors... and constant fatigue.
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