Day 364

Day 364

I fell short
That's a big win
To perpetuate
A cycle of sin
Monotony
And bad habits
Reaching for sanity
But never can grasp it

I turned within
And sometimes that's OK
But It wasn't supposed to stay that way
every day every day
I compromised
And I can't see why
When every day
I don't want to die
but I don't want my life

I thank God for it every day
But it seems like it's been years
Of suspended animation
I took a year off 2 years ago
I still feel like I need a vacation
I feel the desperation
Not what I'm supposed to be sayin'
But I'm so sick of everyone expectin' me to pretend it's OK and
So sick of coming face to face with demons I must slay and
It was disturbing to find out that we are one and the same
Mend

I drink till I pass out but I'm never at a party
It's sad I drink Fleischmanns I cannot afford Bacardi
I'm willing to come face to face with my demons
But they somehow convince me they're my reason for breathin'

I always wanted to do something that meant so much more
Perhaps that's why my life feels so meaningless
And I won't lie there's no target market
I feel sorry for the ones that are reading this

It might seem I want your pity
But honestly, that's very shitty
I just want to be in a position
To actualize my vision
With precision
And it seems it will never happen
Whether I'm writin' or rappin'
Whether I'm screamin' or clappin'

I know I haven't tried hard enough
But the will is buried within me
And I know I might as well build it a casket
If I don't take action quickly
There's a fine line between healthy and sickly

Bring it back to Nickelodeon with Stick Stickley
Just how naive can a kid be
Well I learned that lesson as an adult
And I'm not happy with the results

It's not poor me I just need to be honest
I know I will regret my life when the Earth is hit by comets
I don't have a sad story
And I don't have a happy one
I've abandoned all the allegories
Never writing you a sappy one

Dear me I wrote this letter for you
The lack of tenacity
In that which you pursue
Was the end of you
And you're through
They will not discover your level of innovation
Until centuries after
The world went on a permanent vacation
After meteoric devastation

There will be no trace
But they will pull it from the ether
Everyone in their place
I once thought I was a leader
But it all was theater