History through fairy tale - Fiery maiden and the witch doctor
Kelly Divine (Devine?) - For research purpose
As with most fairy tale, our story began once upon a time, with a beautiful but afflicted red hair maiden. She lived in an era of rampaging diseases when the advancement of medicine could not prevent nor cure an epidemic of horrific proportion. As fate has it, she too, succumbed to it devious effects. The plague, as the alchemists who discovered it, was named "Bodacious Gluteus Maximus Caucasoid Harlot", abbreviated BGMCH.
Or as in the common tongue of the middle kingdom "Phat Ass White Girl". This is a story of a brave young woman trying to overcome the disease that had taken so many lives by seeking out help from a dangerously clever witch doctor.
"Doctor, doctor", she calls out. Wearing her tattered travel cloth, she's eagerly asking for his attention
At the first sight of the witch doctor, she immediately turns her back to show him where the problem is
Her bunny hop fails to hide the fact that she's a little bit excited to see him. She have heard a lot of miracles from many young women near her part. They all went to meet the doctor for that very same sickness and returned filled to the belly with hope and confidence. Without any instruction, she proceeds to show the witch doctor the afflicted region on her body.
"My buttocks are too big", she chirps. "It makes my lady part constantly wet, I don't know why my mom keeps telling me to do lots of squat or I won't grow up to be big and strong". Parting the red hills, she asks "Doctor, would you please check me out?"
Without any delay, the witch doctor takes out his medicinal rod which will probe for the source of infection.
He explains "This might hurt a little, but I assure you it is necessary to dispel the bad cells from your body". Slyly smiling, he adds "This is quite a repetitive procedure, but please be at ease as I am a professional of the highest qualification". He then promptly commences inspection.
Despite the doctor's instruction, she could not help but let out a gasp as the rod searches for its target.
"My extensive rod has magical quality that will cure you of your sickness. You must take it all as where and when I tell you to". The witch doctor commands. "You must".
With her hands gripping the towel, she mumbles under her breath "As you wish". She knows the disease has advanced to a dangerous state because the doctor has to exert all his strength to fight it.
"It's moving to your brain! We must switch now!", screams the doctor. And our fair maiden obeys.
"My dog", she thinks. "Quite a deadly illness I have contracted. Lucky that the doctor is here for my salvation".
"Fair maiden, we come very close to our most critical moment. I shall purge the virus from your being. This is no simple task and I must secure my rod tightly in place. Only then I could inject the magical potion directly into your heart".
The evil virus fights back intensely. It tries to push the magical rod out of the fair maiden but the witch doctor did not relent. The very second the rod falls out from one location, he fastidiously puts it to the next available area.
As harmful toxins sprinkle around both of them, the red hair maiden realizes that the mystical liquid is slowly drained when the rod is removed. She yells out "Sir doctor, your effort is in vain for I cannot keep your remedy contained. Please forgive my careless abandon".
The doctor's expression changes for a fraction of a blink. Things seem to be slowing down around him as his brain races to a solution.
Grabbing her neck, he uses up every fiber in his being to shoot the cure to her belly. After a long and arduous attempt, she finally manages to keep all of it within her.
"Quickly! I must cast a spell that would prevent the liquid from escaping your body. It's now or never!". Nimbly, the witch doctor hops off and whispers his mysterious chant as the maiden is surprised pleasantly. She would not have thought a spell could influence any physical matters. Since when does witch doctor know incantation?
"The peril is gone but to be entirely sure, you must drink the remaining potion as to completely destroy any remnant of the virus". The doctor checks for her pulse on her nose. "The color seems to return your graceful face. You are back from the brink of death".
Grateful for his heroic effort, the red hair fair maiden looks up in admiration and adoration. "My eternal gratitude, sir witch doctor. I shall return every full moon for regular checkups and to continue my magical solution regimen". Her eyes glisten up as she squeezes every last drop from his remarkable rod and savors their extraordinary quality.
