5 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Stay At Home Mom
My Mama once told me that the only thing I'd ever be good at was making pretty babies. Fast forward about 8 years (and two more kids) later, and she was only partially right. I've found I'm good at many things, including raising those pretty babies.
Most days still kick my butt.
And while I may be far from an expert, I can give the advice of 5 things I wish I could go back and tell myself before becoming a Stay-At-Home-Mom. (SAHM from here)
1.It's OK to think your kid is an asshole.
Let me preface this by saying that it is NEVER OK to tell your kid that they're being an asshole. But it's OK to think it. Because guess what? They are. While they're young, children have not quite figured out how to express themselves. As infants, crying is the only way to communicate. And while you're helping them to understand their feelings as they're screaming at the top of their lungs, and tell you what they're feeling while crying and mumbling and screeching, you're going to be thinking in the back of you're mind "OH MY GOD you're such an asshole". Just keep being that great mediator, and they'll be able to tell you. Eventually.
2.Make a "Self-Care" kit.
The little things are important, and if you find yourself always needing a mini break, grab your Self-Care kit. It can have anything in it, from candy to nail polish to special hand lotion. My personal bag contains a spike ball for muscle tension relief, a yummy paraben- and SLES- free hand lotion, and a $10.
Why? Because you deserve it.
Rewarding yourself for doing a difficult job is the equivalent of going out for drinks after work, but with a low chance for a hangover. Find a few things that help you de-stress, and keep it up as a Self-Care Kit. Get a box, a bag, or whatever you need, and create it.
3.Your phone is not that important.
Even with your first child, there is no need to capture every moment on the phone. While it might be a lifesaver in some instances (like 3 am feedings), and seems like your lifeline to the real world, whacking your kiddo in the head when you accidentally drop it will make you feel like a monster. Not to mention, you're going to want to save phone battery and memory for the moments it really matters, like letting them watch a silly video on Youtube while you poop in peace.
4.Parenting/Mom groups will save you.
I'm not talking about the Facebook group of Sancti-Mommies that judge you with snarky, passive-aggressive comments because you gave your kid Goldfish crackers for a snack, or the ones that are constantly asking you to diagnose a bite or rash on their kid. I'm talking about an actual group of moms that have similar interests, out in the real world. While it may seem daunting to pack up the kiddos for a "playdate", those moments outside are going to be part of your 'Self-Care' kit. Local places that are popular include:
*Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) at church
*Toddler Time at the library
*Breastfeeding Support Groups at the WIC/Health Department office
If you can't find your "Tribe", then make your own! Don't be afraid to open up your own meeting space for coffee and socialization. Friends come from the darndest places.
5.Incorporate the kids into your hobby.
While it's important to have something to help you unwind from the day (because you're definitely going to need that), finding little ways to spend time with them while doing something you love will make it them seem like less of an asshole at playtime. (Refer to #1) This will also set you up for success as they grow, and naps become a thing of the past. You can still require "quiet time", and do small hobbies together, like coloring, or reading. It gives you a break, and teaches them that they're allowed to take breaks, too. You've given your kid the gift of finding peace in a busy day, and that's going to help them cope with stresses as they get older! Look at you, being all mindful over there.
I wish you the best of luck out there, in the trenches of Stay-At-Home Parenthood. Remember that you're still you, even amidst the chaos, diapers, and tantrums.
All images from https://giphy.com