The Delicate Act and Art of Remote Parenting

How I became a mother is an interesting turn of events.

My very best friend in the entire universe approached me and asked me to have his baby. I was 23 at the time, almost 24, and didn't have anything better to do, so I said, "yeah sure." One turkey baster, and 9 horrible months later, boom! Baby!

For the first two years since my boobs were required for feeding, and day care was cheaper in my state (I was in Florida, he was in Tennessee) She lived primarily with me. He would take her for a few weeks every couple of months, but she would always come back to me.

Now she is 6, and she primarily lives with him, as his job is able to be done from home, I live in Washington State with no family here to support me, and he still lives in Tennessee surrounded by friends and family and a support network that is unrivaled. I am in her life primarily through skype calls, and photographs, and the monetary contribution I make to her life.

While it is unimaginably painful to be away from my daughter, and I miss her more than any words could possibly describe every single day, I know that if she were here, she would be in school/daycare for over 12 hours everyday, due to my hectic work schedule. I know that I have almost no friends with children, live in a neighborhood that has next to no children, and she would not be getting the best of life if she was were here.

Kids make us do weird things, like think about their well fare, more than what we want most in the world. I just wanted to post this in solidarity to other remote parents. Whether you have a situation like mine, or you're deployed, or your away on business a lot, or you lost primary custody, do everything you can to maintain the connection with your children, just because you can't hug them, doesn't mean they don't need your support and affection. Reach out. Be present, even if it's just a skype or a telephone call. When you're kid knows you want a relationship, they will reciprocate.