[Blog] Thoughts from the Front Lines: What We Could Lose
We took the kids on an impromptu walk today. It was an unseasonably warm sunny afternoon and we live five minutes from a beautiful park on the shore of a Great Lake. These are things it's good to take advantage of.
Because our oldest is a few months from her fifth birthday, we've been discussing the direction we want to see her schooling take in the next year. We haven't formally started yet, but she's in the process of teaching herself to write and it looks like she might be ready before we are.
One thing we aren't going to do is send her away.
While we were walking, I saw another reason why we can't. She and her younger sister got out of the stroller and walked ahead of us hand in hand, singing together.
If we send her away, it won't be long before we stop seeing that. Because she and her sister will be separated and begin living different lives.
The Cost of Separation
When my parents kept me out of the school system some thirty years ago, there were a lot of things they didn't expect. One of them was the closeness that developed between their children. Separating kids from their families at such a young age causes them to begin to forming their own life very quickly. Compound that new autonomy by splitting kids into grades by age and there is a subtly destructive effect on the closeness of sibling groups. Even those who remain decently close have lives that continue to diverge as they grow, to the point that many often become embarrassed by their younger siblings and prefer to do things with their friends alone. In my family, we did everything together and grew together in a way we could not have done had we been sent to school.
Of the many things we could lose by sending our daughter away for her education, this vibrant, precious bond between her and her sisters is one of the most heartbreaking. It might not happen. Some such relationships survive intact. But so many don't.
Education has become a religion, not just in our country but across the world. Religions all call for sacrifice and this one is no exception. The sacrifice of familial bonds isn't obvious and is usually denied, but over and over we've seen it happen: you can't send a child away from his or her family to form their own life at age 5 and not see that child gradually become separated from their family. Sometimes completely, sometimes only a little. But it happens.
It's not worth it. The education she'd get from someone else isn't worth it. Those moments are too important, the relationships too valuable.
Staying Together
A long time ago, someone told my mom, "You're the kind of mom who always cries when her kids get on the bus for the first day of school."
My mom thought, "Nope, I'm the kind of mom who won't even put her kid ON the bus for the first day of school."
Amen, Mom. Today I saw why I'm thrilled and relieved to be following the trail you blazed. Because I heard my children singing together and we're not going to have to give that up.
Excellent post, Lauren. This is so true. @ironshield
this is great, lauren, thank you for sharing! I have many friends who homeschool and although I don't (we had the opportunity to enroll our children in the public school down the street that offers a Spanish Language Immersion program) I absolutely agree with your assertion; we are expecting our children to disengage from us too early and too forcefully, and part of that starts with 'going' to elementary school. I work very hard when my children are not in school to ensure these strong familial bonds remain intact. Right now they are all cuddled on the couch reading books to each other, and I take this one tiny moment and feel blessed. :)
Thank you for reading the post, Bethany - I appreciate the kind words! I debated with myself for some time about publishing this because while I have strong opinions on homeschooling, I hesitate to be very vocal over the Internet because it can be so easily misunderstood as criticism of other parents. Those I know who send their children to school ARE often concerned with the family bonds and it's not as if they're saying, "Oh well, no big deal."
I cherish the image of your children cuddled on the couch reading together - may your hard work pay off and may you experience many, many more such blessings!
Nice post. This is our second year homeschooling and our kids have learned so
Much more and had so many more experiences together because of it. I agree with your decision.
Good to hear that you are homeschooling!
Congratulations! Being able to have your kids home and together brings so many rewards that can be difficult to sum up. The real eye-opener is looking back some day at how the course of family history changed with this decision.
I do agree!
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Worse yet, they are sent to be in a classroom taught by someone who will insert their own thoughts into the childrens' minds, with students who may or may not be the kind of kids/behaviors you would want your children immersing themselves for 8 hours a day. Home schooled children also get to spend precious time with people of all ages during the day, while their counterparts are stuck with the age group they were assigned, regardless of their actual maturity level. I've raised 5 kids on home schooling and I dont regret a minute of it! (When the kids get to high school age, I allow them to decide if they want to go. So far the two that have grown out of the house decided to go back so they could particpate in dual enrollment. Both graduated with an AA, one in business and the other in early childhood development at the same time as receiving their high school diploma. This is a very good age and reason to utilize the public school system).
Lovely girls and great post! Upvoted and resteemed :0)
Thank you! Congratulations on successfully teaching your five kids - that's a great accomplishment.
Yes, I hadn't even touched on those issues! To us, there are so many reasons why we feel confident and relieved to be keeping our kids with us that it's hard to even count all of them - but every once in a while something jumps out at me and I say, "That! That right there is why I'm so happy they won't be leaving yet."
Of course, there will be a day when they do go - after all, we're raising adults, not permanent children or servants. But when I see my children off, it will be after the ties are formed and the foundation is built and they are strong and capable women (and maybe men if we ever end up with any boys around here...). And if God is very kind, they won't go far and we will still be able to have lives that stay closely-knit.
Excellent to read. You are doing the right thing. Strong families can make this world a better place!
Thank you for reading and for the encouragement!
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Dear Lauren Turner, wife, mother, chief cook-and-bottle-washer, blogger, and caretaker of civilization,
Thank God that you are among the caretakers of civilization! And thank God for your mother! As a new Steemian who (for some reason) has not read the beginner's guide, I jumped into the deep end of the Steem pool by wandering around in Internet-land until I reached a video made by a friendly-looking man with a thick beard. (Would that be your husband?) The man had me enthralled by his expertise on sanitary methods for the composting of human waste while living off grid. Seriously? Yes, it was absolutely fascinating. As was the immaculate appearance of the pinewood compost shield just behind him. I could almost smell the fresh wood. The man was talking much too fast for my understanding, and as a city dweller, I know nothing about living off grid. But I was immutably persuaded that whoever these people are, they know what they're doing. So of course that man must be your husband because anyone who knows that much about safe and sanitary composting could only be married to one of the caretakers of civilization.
Your decision to mirror your mother and keep the family together for as long as wisdom permits is supported by experts in educational psychology. Unfortunately, I cannot remember their names at the moment, but I remember their peer-reviewed research. It has now been proven through longitudinal studies that children who remain at home for the first 4-6 grades of public school education are able to join their public school peers in grades 4-6 (at about ages 10-12) with a measurable learning curve advantage. In assessment tests, they outperform students who were educated in either the public or private school system, and they are able to competitively absorb and combine the information taught in multiple grades. They adapt more readily, learn more easily, and quickly become student leaders, contradicting the expectation that home-schooled learners would be deficient in the broader social skills. The theoretical conclusion is that the secure emotional bonding made possible in a home-school environment facilitates the formation of neural pathways in cognitive development.
Or, in other words, what your mother said.
If you want further proof that occasionally the experts get it, compare the pictures of your very happy children with the tragic face of Prince George (link / video below) on his first day of school at age four. Kensington Palace staff reported that Princess Charlotte cried when George left for "big school." The Inside Edition film clip below clearly shows the confident, ready-for-life body language of Princes William and Harry when Diana took them to school, and the reluctant, almost sorrowful social torture of Prince George.
So I am quite delighted to find you here blogging beside that fast-talking man with the thick beard. All I wanted that day was the land of early American furniture, wood burning fireplaces, tongue-and-groove precision carpentry, the seductive scent of cedar, and "chestnuts roasting on an open fire." Therefore you and that fast-talking man are a double blessing.
Lest I seem much too impressed, I should add that I found the bearded man's explanation of upvoting by bot deeply disturbing and very must against the "constitutional rights" of Steemians. But let me get my feet wet first before I challenge and antagonize the wrong people, as I am so prone to do.
God's blessings and grace upon you and your family.