We love you so very much. Step #1 is always admitting it. Some never do and they live in denial their whole life and die that way. Others figure it out and work on it early and some later. It does not matter when as long as it happens. You know there are so many addictions you are not alone. Drinking, gambling, sleeping around the town, drug addictions, workaholics, multiple sexual partners, excessive power over others, eating oneself ill so you die, excessive smoking, anorexia and bulimia and purging, hoarding, too much helping others and even too much social media and shopaholics. All these things mask our truths and we hide behind them. The hardest part is acceptance of yourself and then work upwards. I can proudly say I am a reformed shopaholic. That each purchase left me with a temporary high that lasted only a few moments, and that by the time I got home that same pain and shit that I could not fix was still there. The most important thing I learned as a Holistic Nutritionist is that if you take something away from someone you have to replace it with something wholesome. I found that in nature, in the Ocean, in running, and moving from the city. Living a more wholesome, tranquil life. It was a decision to become more minimal. For each person it is different. I found I needed the peace of rural living. Could be music or art or like me the Ocean. However, it is not gone like you erase it from the page, it will always be there and everyday is a new day. Over time it does get easier and the need becomes less. Like an alcoholic though it is always there. You can not touch a drop. So I don't go to the store. On a positive note. I went to the mall, got the one thing I NEEDED and left. It felt so good. I can be honest and say, I have spent thousands where I did not need too. Racked up a huge unnecessary credit card debt and it cost me dearly in personal ways as well. However, no one can fix it for you. It is entirely up to you. In saying that help is always out there in so many ways, you just need to reach out for it. How and where the help comes from is different for everyone. (There are seven ways to get to heaven.) The important key is in taking the step to get the help. LEAP AND THE NET WILL APPEAR. It is never too late to make changes and there is only the desire to rise up. You will find as time goes on that in helping yourself you will end up helping others. When Dad and I look around here and we are tackling this huge mess, we see the demons that haunted my parents. No one at all needs this much stuff. Sadly, they lived in denial. They could not handle the pain. They could not look at themselves or each other. The pain was too great and then they just got old. So now it has become my burden. I for one do not want to live the way they did. God bless their souls, for there for the grace of God go I. WE ARE THE LUCKY ONES SON. We recognize it. To live in denial is worse. Ultimately with pain comes growth. Without pain you stagnate. Take one day at a time, that is how you get through anything. You peel the onion one layer at a time. My illness, Dad's illness, our struggles and now this huge mess at this house. We all will get there. We will make it. So proud of you I am bursting at the seems. Be home soon. Love you xx