The Company We Keep

"Tell me about your environment, who do you spend time with outside of work?"

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This is a common question I ask many clients I work with in both my counseling and coaching practice. You can tell a lot about a person based on this question. We cannot choose our family or where we were born but we can choose where we live as adults, as well as our peers.

Have you ever met someone who complains about their "friends" (frenemies, maybe?) ceaselessly? Unfortunately, on a few occasions, I have. It always makes me wonder, what is this person getting out of these relationships? Do they like feeling superior? Do they enjoy relationship drama? In my last post, I talked about my social life as a younger man. I mostly spent time with people who were fun to be around, drinking buddies basically. We all had very little in common except finding the best party on a Friday or Saturday night.

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As I continue studying the great Roman Stoic philosophers, I notice that many such as Epictetus, in his writings, cautions us about the company we keep. For the Stoics, your peer group IS part of your Stoic practice. If one spends their time with vain and venial people, they too will come to follow that path. The temptation is simply too great. How can we follow Stoic principles if those we spend time with prefer to engage in melodrama and drinking games? Those you surround yourself with should be assisting you in your goal of living the virtuous and rational life. If your peers are more interested in hedonistic pursuits all the time, do you think they will support you in your self-improvement goals, probably not.

Search for peers that will nurture your thirst for self-knowledge and support you on this important journey, whatever it may be. Leave the drama queens to reality television.

“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.” -Epictetus

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