Who are the real bullies?

Do you know where the word bully originated? According to dictionary.com, the term originated in the 16th century and was a term of endearment used for both men and women. The word literally meant lover, sweetheart, or darling. Today, the word is defined as someone who is blustering, quarrelsome, or overbearing, and who uses force or intimidation to get what they want.

How do we go from such a beautiful meaning to something that no individual acting within the generally acceptable constraints of society wants to be called?

While I do not have an answer for the change in meaning (although I think I could make an educated guess), I have been giving a lot of thought as to what constitutes a bully. And they are everywhere. I may even be one, too, from time to time.

A bully is someone who is blustering, quarrelsome, or overbearing, and who uses force or intimidation to get what they want.

Notice, this definition can include a lot of people, but I believe it comes down to selfishness over selflessness, and if ears are being used for understanding or to respond.

Stating a belief with confidence is not being a bully.
Starting a conversation with people of differing persuasions is not being a bully.
Allowing others to have control of a situation is not being a bully.
Not agreeing with someone, but hearing out their reasoning is not being a bully.
Being generous is not being a bully.
Standing up for yourself or others in the face of injustice is not being a bully.
Taking a stand for the truth is not being a bully.

Slandering and belittling character over a difference of opinion is being a bully.
Refusing to hear a differing opinion because the other argument might be more sound is being a bully.
Needing to have absolute control, even when not in authority to make decisions, is being a bully.
Being selfish is being a bully.
Only caring about oneself is being a bully.
Not being willing to admit you were wrong is being a bully.
Haughty attitudes and actions put you in the place of being a bully.
The single-minded pursuit of your goals, regardless of the consequences, is being a bully.

I believe that if we are honest with ourselves, we can all be bullies at one point or another. But we have to move on from our past. We have to grow in character and integrity for the sake of everyone around us. If we are going to be effective in minimizing bullying in all of its forms, then we have to be willing to recognize bullying for what it is. It's not just the kids on the playground. It's in families, friendships, politics, marriages, workplaces, higher education, churches of all religions, social media, and anywhere else you look. The change starts with a personal and internal transformation.

Let it begin with me.

Image Credits
Little Rascals