Let's do an exercise.

Take out a sheet of paper. Or, open up a word document, or pull up a note application on your tablet.

Make a list of absolutely everything you worry about and focus on throughout the day.

What do you worry about? What makes you unhappy?

How many of those things are actually important enough to you that you actively change your behavior to correct it?

How many things on that list are things that you actually directly control and can influence?

If you can't make an active change in your life to help correct it, why are you worrying about it? You essentially have just admitted that there is very little you can do about it; in essence, worrying about it is about the same use as worrying about the Yellowstone Caldera violently erupting. Sure, it could happen, and it's terrifying and existentially threatening, but what the hell are you really going to be able to do about it? It clearly doesn't perturb you enough to move away from the blast radius, or perhaps change your careers and business partners around to avoid as much of the economic fallout that would be associated with such a disaster. It worries you, but you only nominally care.

There are ultimately only two things you can do: take action by yourself, for yourself, or hope someone else's interests might align and eventually do something for you. You ultimately can't rely on others to do things in your own interest, because they themselves are looking out for their own interests. Everyone is ultimately unique, with their own perspectives, desires, and challenges. You can't ultimately force other people to conform to your desires, or what you need as a person.

Let's get back to your list.

I want you to ask yourself two things: Will fixing this issue ultimately make me happier as a person, and can I take a direct personal action to fix this issue? If your answer is neither, I want you to cross it out, both physically and mentally. Just stop worrying, caring, and updating yourself about it. Because all it's really doing is giving you a stomach ulcer and taking headspace away from all the other issues on this list that are actually under your control that you can fix, that can make you happy.

Now ask yourself this: Who are you really? What do you really want to do? Are you happy with where, and who you are? Are you really in the position you want to be in? Or have you essentially been on autopilot all these years, and just been stuffed here, in a lot you are ultimately unhappy with, by a series of people, circumstances, and unfortunate choices throughout your years?

In essence, I am asking: Are the worries that you have, which you can take action on, that you are saying will make you happy, are actually the things that will make you happy? Are they debts for past mistakes?

Don't think that, because "everyone else" wants it, that you need to want it.

Success, as defined by you, is not necessarily going to be going to college, getting married and having kids, having a suburban house, and retiring at 65 to a Floridan beach to drink pina coladas and play canasta all day. Sure, some of these things could appeal to you, but you don't need to want any of these things and you don't have to care about what other people think of you. Thinking in those terms, without thought to your own needs, will land you a job you don't want, with a partner you're unhappy with, in a boring neighborhood in the middle of nowhere (because it's cheap and safe), with kids that, while you love them, have essentially anchored you to a situation you desperately want to part of.

Ultimately, you don't need to necessarily be wealthy, or destitute, or a middling between the two, or whatever else you think other people expect of you. All you need to do is be able to find happiness and what will bring that to you that does not necessarily conform to any metric of success. Some people do not make a lot of money but very much enjoy and have passion for what they are doing regardless of the pay. Others absolutely adore the ability to make as much money as possible as quickly as possible and do not care what they have to do to do it. Still, others begrudgingly do things they don't want to do to have just enough to do a facsimile of what they actually want to do in what little time they personally allot to themselves.

If you aren't happy with your lot in life currently, what direct choices of action can you do to pivot yourself into a direction that you actually, truly want to go? There are always options, but there isn't always a free one. You will have to decide for yourself how high a cost you wish to bear. To change anything for the better, you will have to bear a certain amount of risk, which can mean giving up/selling your possessions, or giving up some number of your current network of people to have a chance at associating with better ones which more align to what you really want to do. Don't be too attached to what you have, because ultimately, if you are going where you want to go, you will likely either be able to rebuild whatever you have lost, or will be happier doing things that you actually want to do.

Of course, don't be stupid.

Don't let your decisions be guided by the emotions of the moment (if you do, you will end up in an impulsive ruin), or attempt to force your rationality and logic to override things inherent to your nature (if you do, you will always be unhappy). You have to learn to accept who you uniquely are, with all your faults and advantages, and work with them. Change only the things about yourself that you realize truly make you unhappy, and that you really want to change. Otherwise you will fight a worthless, losing battle.

Imagine your idealized life. If you could do anything, what would you be doing? Who would you be with? What is making you happy? Keep imagining what you want to do over the course of a few weeks. Change it radically, even. Marinate on what things would truly satisfy you at your core. Refine it a little.

Don't be fucking stupid and think that this is all you need. There is no Secret in this. Just wanting something to happen will not magically grant you what you think you deserve. All the fairy dust and positive thinking in the world will not yield you a result: the universe does not care about you, will not ever care about you, and is in a state of constant decay. On a local level: Species grow and die. Civilizations rise and crumble. All men will eventually be forgotten. Your existence and the happiness associated with it is a local state of affairs which requires you to expend as exactly as much effort as it takes to build whatever order you wish to seek. Empty positive thoughts cost nothing, and will always give you approximately that much.

To be a success, you need to know what you truly want, and find the openings and edges in what you see around you and take them. Sometimes, depending on your goals, that might mean taking a temporary pain to relieve a greater one.

What can you do that's in your direct control that can get you closer to your idealized life? Pick a few, put it into the list, and figure out actionable ways to meet your goals. Stop worrying about what other people think for this: worry about yourself for once. Question everything. Find the price you need to pay to get out of what makes you unhappy right now. Fooling around with a slow start wishy-washy transition plan to a better life is a recipe for failure as you repeatedly excuse yourself to fall into the exact same pitfalls you have stuck yourself in today. So many people attempt to do that, and they fail near every single time.

No amount of band aids you try and patch onto yourself is going to close that big wound in your soul; you need to get in there, grit your teeth, and properly stitch it back together.