Projection: How can someone do such a thing?

"How can someone do such a thing?"

We like to say things like this and generally it is in response to something we see as a negative, something we can't imagine any normal person is capable of doing. Murder, beat a child, become a prostitute. But what it really is, is a projected judgement of the self onto another saying, I can't imagine myself doing such a thing.

This also works in other ways as people pass judgement with what they know and extrapolate it out using their own experience and beliefs about what they think they would do or how they would react in a similar situation.

I got an interesting comment last night from a user:

you can tell a lot and basically you do. you talk like a waterfall. i can't believe you don't have serious problems to solve in real life. you have a thousand good advice... think like that and act like that. but it's getting tiring. your investment here is completely screwed up. i wouldn't be surprised if in the not too distant future your family is no longer one because you have stressed them so extremely that they tear them apart. i don't know you personally, but it makes the impression on me that your life is happening far too much here on this platform. that can't be healthy in the longterm.

sry for being so personal. i've been following you for a while and read a lot. i care about the sum of the parts, not the parts themselves. just wanted to share that.
@pawos

And I thought I would explore this a little because well, that is what I tend to do when I find something interesting. This is not some kind of rebuttal nor is it going to try and explain my position here at all. What I find interesting is the judgments with not only what they know about me through my writing, but on things they actually have no idea about at all. They are working on assumption. As they say, making assumptions is a dangerous business.

Now, this is just their opinion but for the purpose of this article, that is all we have to go on, I don't know them either. What we can assume though is that they are speaking their mind as clearly as it will allow and their mind is revealing their beliefs about, if they were in my shoes.

It is an empathetic approach that makes the assumption that they can accurately take my position which is of course, impossible. People like to think that they are able to do this though without factoring in the vastly different life experiences that people may have. They think that they are able to judge someone's character well, predict their response to various events and then the response to those. What they are actually doing is evaluating what they would do in these types of situations.

It is a flawed position but one that makes people feel somewhat superior, like the fan watching the football on TV saying, Why didn't he just pass it to... Easy to say from the couch with a beer and a belly to suit. The difference is though that the football player on that field has been playing that game every day of their life and what they did in that moment was the best decision in that moment. The armchair sports fan in the same position would like to imagine themselves doing better but, it is very, very unlikely.

Similarly, our experiences in life prepare us to be able to tolerate or succumb to varying levels of stress. Some of this is in our biology, some is in our environment but, there are differences. Some people can't imagine working 12 hour days 7 days a week while others do it with relative ease. I can't lay on the beach for more than 30 minutes before getting so insanely bored, I start rocking backwards and forwards. For some, that is their dream position.

It is impossible for me to put myself in the experience of someone who enjoys laying there doing nothing in the sun and call it relaxing because, relaxing for me looks a great deal like hard work to them. When it comes to the difference, it may be about experiencing flow.

For me, flow is found in the run of thought, the mental simulation, the creative development of ideas, it is where my core skills lay and, to continually develop them, I have to challenge them. This sounds like a nightmare for those who might like to sit in front of a screen and watch some mindless trash and call it entertainment. You see? I can judge too but, I know that their experience and the responsibility of life is their own. I can comment, I can complain and I can predict outcomes but at the end of the day, I cannot know if I am right until I am.

Debt skyrocketing and unemployment climbs yet, entertainment companies are making record profits. Practical skills falling while more and more aim for Workless wealth with low personal investment, large returns and when it doesn't happen, they bury themselves behind more screens, more games, more avoidance. The depression industry is booming.

But, when these people look at those who have all the things they have been desiring, they think it all comes down to luck. Luck plays a massive part in this world but, so does the hard work associated with creating the infrastructure so luck can play its part. But, they will see someone who is working hard as, a workaholic, an addict. No, they may be an investor and, they may be investing into something they love and the return is a byproduct, not the goal.

I am an entrepreneur of sorts, a small business owner who works hard at that too and when it comes to the mindset required to invest the effort, it is the willingness to do what other people are not. The willingness to scrimp and save so as to cover the cost of a business lunch with a client or, work late on Saturday night after the child has gone to sleep. So many people don't like being an employee under the thumb of authority but, how many are willing to take the responsibility of having freedom?

@pawos decided to speak about my family as well and how they wouldn't be surprised if I lose them because I will stress them so much, I will "tear them apart". So, here is the next self-projection, that the family they believe mine to be can be torn apart in such a way. That is what they know of relationships, not how all relationships are. For the record, not much is ever going to tear my wife apart, she is stronger than me and knew what she was getting into with me before she said yes.

I enjoy my time here, I love writing and thinking and for many, they seem to often have the, "How can someone do such a thing?" mentality. But, while they are sitting there watching TV, I am reflecting through words on my day's sessions with customers. while they are scrolling Instagram, I am writing a poem. As they read the news, I am mentally simulating various ways to improve something.

It isn't that we are biologically so different in this world but, where we spend our time is quite obviously different. The projected judgments one makes from their world might be completely irrelevant to my own. We live in a world of consumption of other's talent that makes us feel we have talent ourselves yet, have not invested into any development. It is an illusion of advertising.

@pawos said,

"i care about the sum of the parts, not the parts themselves."

They have picked up a wheel, identified it as round and decided that they now know how to change a gearbox. That is not understanding the sum, that is extrapolation based on a narrow band of information. The gaps of course are filled in by their own life experiences which I can only ever guess at.

When it comes to health in the longterm of content production for Steem, I have my own goals and my own investment schedules for my own resources. I am not talking about the financial side, I am talking about personal resources. I see opportunity here and that takes investment in and commitment to. There is a cost to it that I am willing to pay and, I don't trade with anything I am not willing to lose completely.

Everyone has serious problems to solve in real life and if more people went about solving them, the world would be a better place. This place could be a problem solver but like any solution, any treatment, the commitment needs to be made to get the benefits and the medicine is too bitter for most to swallow because it means work.

While I see potential here I will commit myself and, my family will be stronger for it. You are not me, your projections of your experience are not my own. You may think you know, you don't.

Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]

Edit: I should add a thanks to @pawos as it gave me another thing to think about today ;)

That was fun to write, I might do more of these.
Oh, it is my lunch break between clients so now, back to work in the real world.