Confessions of a Drug Dealer
I’m sorry, I’m sorry that I fed you substances that I knew were harmful to my own health.
The same substances that I knew were eating away at my mind, dimming my light and numbing me blind.
It’s seductive I know, its imprisonment I know, its pain your escaping I know, yet I still sold you out just for my ego.
What you got to understand is I was lost, I was caught in a web of poisonous and artificial thought.
I just yearned for the riches of my environment, selling more to surge in this millennial climate.
I took your money for weed, pills and cocaine, my actions represented my pain.
I was in pain, I was frightened, I was upon a ship with no captain
I was angry, I was confused, my life was a photo with no caption
For that, I was exploiting your vulnerabilities, robbing you of your capabilities
But today I am taking responsibility, I hope you can accept this apology
I am not talking to everyone I sold drugs too, let me make this clearer
I am talking to someone true, the man in the mirror.
Great post @kaif
Thank you @solmonwise, you have some great content yourself
Overall it's a good poetry written as prose. I see a lot of potential that is untapped. There are some inconsitencies. It's confusing when you write towards a second person, 'you', and then talk to a first person at the same time.
For instance, in the first stanza/line, you were apologising someone for harming your own health. it would be more fitting to apologise for feeding substances that were harmful to "your health". That way, revealing the man in the mirror at last gives the clear picture and makes it more consistent.
I would love to see you shorten some of this and put it in a more poetic format, unless you want it to be prose. Sometimes, less words give more meaning. There is a lot of explanation, and what I did and why and what I felt. The imagery may explain the emotions better. "Photo without caption" signifies that you are lost, confused, without an identity. "on a ship without a captain" shows that you have nothing to guide you, lost, frightened. These images in themselves speak stronger than stating "I was frightened" or "I was lost".
I hope you understand that this is an encouraging criticism. There is potential, and you already have great ideas and great imagery. Playing more with them might give it a stronger poetic feel to it. I know another poet who has suffered from addiction and has been clean for a couple of months. He's not on steemit, so let me know if you would like to read some of his poetry.
I appreciate the insight. I do understand it is encouraging criticism ..I encourage constructive criticism as its a great source to grow.
The reason why I used, both first and second person was to try behold a subjective perspective. Is the poet, a drug dealer, or is he the substance abuser. (I ended it with the substance abuser.)
I am no longer on drugs, I have been clean for a while. A moment of inspiration struck that allowed me to put my thoughts onto paper.
I take a lot of belief from your response @poetrybyjeremy
I'm glad you have managed to stop using drugs, I know it's a hard path.
I do understand what you were trying to do, but look at this sentence:
In the opening line, you already are saying that it is harmful to your own health. I could tell you are talking to yourself. If you played it all in the second person, we would have understood with the last line.
Also, while re-reading it, I spotted a couple of typos. "your escaping" should be "you're escaping". "I sold drugs too" becomes "I sold drugs to". Don't worry, these are mistakes a lot of people do, especially when English isn't their first language. Heck, even those with English as first-language to these. But, it would not be fair for me to not point it out ;) We all learn from our mistakes.