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RE: A second poem: expressing my condolences

in #poem7 years ago

Thanks for your candid feedback and useful suggestions last time.

I worked this one out with the help of your suggestions.

Anything the second poem could have done better this time? Looking forward to your feedback. :-)

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I know English is not your first language, so I try not to go too hard on criticising, because it all comes slowly. One thing I would suggest here is rather than using words such as 'might' or 'may', which give out a possibility, you may describe something more concretely and commit to it. I understand that in this case, since you are writing about a real story and you do not know the whole truth, it might be 'bad' to assume or give them a feeling that they did not have - however, as for poetry, possibilities don't make as much impact.

Thought I always needed to remain 'objective', not to cross the line of putting too much in it. But poetry is definitely sentimental as a personal outlet to vent my own emotions.

Thanks for another piece of priceless advice. Have a good day.

Descriptive is nice. The thing is, when you use 'may' or 'might' it no longer stays as objective. There's no necessary big rule, but generally, the more precise/descriptive you are, the more it helps.

The child misbehaved and got on grandma's nerve. It might not be the truth (that's a journalist's job), but you are definitely portraying a more emotional story ;)

Grateful for your help. Been learning lots from you. :-)