Lonely

Too often I feel like I've overstayed my welcome in spaces that probably don't even care if I'm there.

until they notice me

until they realize how cramped it feels, not being able to breath they hold in their breath and let not a word escape.

so neither do I or they know of what is going on.

and as such, things happen out of our control, like it ever was but its nice to think that it could have been, such is the dreariness of what ifs and the deadliness of I should haves.

Does the heart regret beating itself? Grow tired of the never ending ceaselessness of its march

Or does it wait for that spring come summer, that turn in weather from kering nak mampus to tengkujuh delapangan terbang jadi ribut debu dan asap jadi permainan angin yang rindu akan awan

The rain doesn't come until its unwanted.

hujan yang turun bagaikan airmata
tersorok dari pandangan lain lebih lebih lagi perlihatan sendiri

mana mungkin
yang nampaknya banjir dan ribut berdansa ikut irama sebak tangisan anak kecil yang sibuk bermain di dalam hati

sesak nafas penat berlari daripada permasalahan sendiri bikin sendiri pandai baiki tapi mana mungkin.Kalau beras terlanjur jadi bubur. Manusia terlanjur jadinya cerita

cerita cerita senja shared between mothers berjenaka antara satu sama lain they share stories on dusty porches

of the comings and goings of worry and misery

and yet I find no place safe for my own misgivings

we carry it on our sleeves and mistake it for feelings.

Then again. I could be wrong.