By Way of Apology (a poem)

Hello! I don’t generally do introductions to my poetry, but I’m noticing most do here. I’m always up for trying something new.

There is a story behind this poem. When I was very young (20), I was very much in love with a wonder person. Yet, I was unhappy. I couldn’t reconcile the feelings that were opposites but coexisting in my heart. This was the relationship in which I discovered that I am a polyamorous human, and though my boyfriend really tried to understand, he was a monogamous human and it broke his heart that he wasn’t enough for me. He’s removed himself completely from my life (I’m 30 now, and happily married to another polyamorous human), and I never got to apologize for how I behaved (I was terrible, truly). So here is my apology, I give it to the universe since I cannot give it to him directly.

By Way of Apology

Consider this:
We never met.
The hole I now feel,
It isn't real.
I've taken the eraser to our whole relationship
Rewritten our history.
Now when I see you,
It won't hurt.
Now you can be
Just another face to me....
I never said I'm sorry
For the pain I put you through
You spent enough time
Apologizing for me.
I wouldn't be surprised
If you never forgive me
I didn't just break your heart
I destroyed it.
Or maybe I didn't.
Not if we never met.
Let's forget.
Wipe the slate clean.
Return to a place,
Where we never exchanged names.
Where I can be me
And you can be you
A place where neither of us
Acted like fools.
Love makes fools of us
And none bigger than me.
My heart never closed
I never stopped loving you.
I don't believe in regrets
A person like me really has few,
Mostly I regret ever meeting you.
I can't change the person I am
A person who was never good for you
Who could take all the good you gave
And still be unfulfilled.
It would have never been enough
Because the good you gave
Wasn't what I needed
And despite how much I wanted to be
The person you saw when you looked at me
I think those Rose colored glasses
Gave you an unrealistic expectation of me.
You’re the person who taught me
The real difference between love and compatibility.

By Abrigella
Picture from Pixabay