Gummy Bears
Haribo sweetly fills with delicious delight;
The bear-shaped gums make me smile.
This delicacy is sugar free! Good for me, gleefully
I eat more and more of the tasty, gooey, treati-ly.
Grinning a hobo's greedy smile,
I enjoy
and enjoy
and enjoy.
Till the bag is all gone,
I enjoy.
Mmmn
A tickle of urgency stumbles my fun.
Hmmn
ah
ahumm
To the porcelain bus I shoot like a gun.
oh no oh umm hmM
nmm
NMMM!
My pants feel three sizes too small
A miss! It covers the wall!
No time to use the door
In puddles a path tracing the floor!
A gusher, a pip, a gusher again
Oh God, OH GOD, please let it all end!
My washboard wailing is piercing the air
Staccatos of shit-fire: my sphincter it tears!
OMG whatdafuck! OMG FML!
What's wrong now?
Can you not tell?!?
My phone is ringing a knock at the door
I told my dear date to be here at four!
I answer the text, my date hears screaming
This must be a nightmare, I must be dreaming.
"Oh it's the TV" I desperately lied
But it was too late my date stepped inside.
Her shoe in a puddle, Her terrible gasp
I'm desiccate, helpless, and still ripping ass.
No time to explain, I hope she departs
What a great time, for the Roomba to start.
It poo paints my hall straight down to the door
I wince as she vomits straight onto the floor.
It couldn't get worse
I'm dying inside
The only thing left is to go run and hide.
Oh right I'm glued
I'm stuck here in place
Body dysfunction; this look on my face.
A rite, a curse, desecration from HELL!
E V E R Y T H I N G points to all is not well!
These bear-shaped demons have beat on their drums,
Summoning soul wrenching anal tantrums!
A moment of peace
I think it might pass
Oh no, here it comes,
It's just more gas.
A brief moment allows me to plan my escape
To contemplate cleaning the mess that I make
My plan is bold
Situation is dire
The thing to do is to
Cleanse it with fire!
Oh shit, oh jesus, it's still not over
The cramping's so bad it gives me a boner.
I ache and I wrestle with torment inside
The sounds that I make sound like a fight.
At some point I bothered the neighbors
Who accurately think I'm in some kind of danger.
They promptly call the police
And say that I sound like I'm wrestling a beast.
And when the police arrive
Somehow I'm still alive
The mess on the floor
The girl at the door
Makes them call up a priest.
I'm spent, I'm holed, I'm turned right out
It is certain there's no way to turn this about.
My date leaves in a huff
I'm not sure I can blame her
I'm empty of all of my stuff
This fact leaves me with nothing but anger.
You Bastards, you COD, you Fiends, you Swine
Have deviled my vittles and poisoned my Wine!
The NAZI BEAR won! That sly fox foe
I prolapse, I cry, I fill with woe.
As I collapse there and black to dark night
I cry
myself
to sleep.
A grimace takes me in failing light
Pungent odors
Take hold
As I weep.
The room smells of brimstone, bog, and bordeaux,
Rancid, and racked, and rind.
It cuts in a thought, of something to know;
Of what clapped me so strong in a bind.
This is a 'membrance I must recall,
When next to the store I go.
"God damned you all, and all of you;
God damn you all,
Fucking Haribo!"