Dear @d-pend sir!
I saw your original version, it was about 18 lines poem, which was posted about 7th month ago and your new version is 22 lines poem.
I can understand how you work hard to give a new shape to your poetry by editing.
it's a much stronger piece now. I salute to your labour, determination and devotion.
But I am not happy with your talk . You are telling that first original version was so unrhythmic.. this is not fair.. previous version was also good .some improvements made it better..