Good piece. We got there :)

You know I always said that your pieces were lacking you actually putting in what mattered to you, and that they were best, and quite good, when they had that.

This piece has that. And after we kicked off the alliterative style and most of the passive phrasing you're so fond of, the poem still reads as yours, there is still delicious alliteration here, without it being the point of the piece.

There is still some passive voice here, without it overtaking the piece.

And what's left is a piece I'm sure your wife will not only appreciate, but enjoy.