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RE: a swarm of pigeons - poetry

in #poetry7 years ago

I've always been curious about bird migration. I'd watch a flock fly away, zero in on one bird, and wonder exactly where that bird will be in a few days time. Who else will see it? Will it get there safely? I know this isn't actually about a bird (or maybe it is), but it just got me thinking haha. Good stuff, though! One thing I do suggest (but it's totally up to you) is to take advantage of line breaks. In your poem endless sad, for example:

On the way
Your happy days
I chose to stay quiet
in my loneliness
As they laughed over
my pain
About my love
that has left
me

I broke up the lines a bit. I think playing with line breaks can do sooooo much for a poem. In some instances, it can even change the meaning of the poem. It all depends on what you choose to emphasize and what you want the focus on (or not on). I don't know, my poetry professor last semester really encouraged playing with line breaks and ever since I've really focused on them. Totally up to you. I look forward to reading more!