Between Serejandmyself and me

in #poetry8 years ago

How I got accused of plagiarism for two same words. 


One of these days (it must have been the day before yesterday), I was browsing through poems by serejandmyself, I quite liked them, especially his "A Shakespearean sonnet about steemit (Original Poetry),“ so I upvoted it, then went over to "The shadow of the pharaoh (Original Poetry),“ this one I didn´t like that much, think I found the ending a bit trite?

I’m in a trance of your voice.
I am enchanted by your charms.
Your touch is worth a million.
We kiss and I forget everything else.
All we need is each others touch.


In the comments below I told the author I liked his Shakespearean sonnet better than this. 

He replied: "Thanks, what is it that not caught on in this one for you? The rhytm, the metaphors?“   

Then again sometime later, I decided to give it a try: to retranslate my Czech translations of ancient Chinese poetry into English, to get some attention at this platform.  I concocted up three pieces (altogether 140 words), then put them up here on Steemit. Well, let´s say it here, for one of my poems I had used two other English versions (I didn´t use anything for the other two, I swear):   



Du Fu: Painting of a Falcon  


Wind and frost seem to rise 

From the white silk of this 

Grand painting of a falcon! 

The bird stares as if to pounce 

On a scurrying hare, and do 

I see in its eye something 

Of a fierce monkey? 

Chain and ring seem to invite one 

To put out a hand and free it 

From the perch that seems so close; 

I wish I would ask it to attack 

Those tiny SINGING birds, scattering 

Their blood and feathers over 

The grassland around. 

(as translated by Rewy Alley)   



and   

Du Fu: THE PAINTED FALCON   


On plain silk, the wind and frost arise 

A dark blue falcon, painted in detail 

It perks its body, considering a wily rabbit 

At each side its eyes seem angry like a barbarian’s  


THE TETHERING RING shines, worthy of picking up 

From the high pillar, its potential may be called upon 

Why should it attack a common bird 

Feathers and blood scattered on the level grass?

(as translated by Hugh Grigg)     



My own translating efforts slowly took this final shape:   


Du Fu: THE PAINTED FALCON   


On silk the wind and frost about to rise, 

And the black falcon gets even darker. 

Thinking of a rabbit, in the eye 

There´s something so fierce, what it´s after?   


THE TETHERING RING to put my hand on, 

On the pillar the bird´s in full command. 

Why should it attack the singing birds all 

With blood and feathers making up for grass?     



Almost immediately after posting my content, I received this reply from Serejandmyself:   "Are you sure those are your translations?“ 

https://eastasiastudent.net/china/classical/du-fu-painted-falcon/ 

I had no choice but to admit having stolen the "tethering ring.“    

Serejandmyself replied:    "Yes, in the future please be so kind to provide a link to where you take work from if its not original. Other than that, good work."   


I may have got a little annoyed at Serejandmyself´s "nitpicking“ (and was glad that he had praised my work at the same time, you know, it costs a little time and effort to check up a text on the internet, and I hadn´t been detected by the cheetah, so it must mean he really liked it). 

Again, I was a little annoyed, but the more I had been contemplating it, the more I liked the "tethering ring.“ It has such a nice sound to it, two rings one after the other: tethe-ring ring. I hadn´t noticed that before. And maybe it is the best line of the poem, and I certainly wouldn´t have invented it on my own, and not only because English is not my muttersprache… 


So I apologize to Serejandmyself and everybody.   


And, last but not least, and I don´t mean this as a hint at Serejandmyself of being a poor judge of poetry, but my English translations so far would need some editing at best, if they are not beyond repair… I have just no feel for the English rhyming, which is very different than ours etc. (The line: "Why should it attack the singing birds all“ seems very suspicious to me…)     


Before I had written only one poem in English, and it is the following, it was just meant as a play on words, now I find it quite disgusting (don´t remember about then, probably also), but it is ORIGINAL, noone can find anything like it on the internet, I dare you.  (last note: its "sperm whales“ come from well before the Steemit era):     



THE BATTLE   


Sperm whale 

Seamen ship  

 

Bottle-fly-bottled-flied bottles (flying?) 

The hounds are all female 

For the horses asleep   


Nipped in the bud (and got nettled a little) 

Tiny little whips   


Where of the world at the wits´ end two of the two lips speak: 

Ah! (and I say this in my head) 

That once in a glue moon I get so sea sick!   


Sperm-whaleship 

Seamen-whale-ship-seawoman   


Grasp the nettle 

In Czech means bite the sour apple   


Give somebody the pip!     

  


No! The TETHERING RING!       



P. S. : You know the poets (no matter how good or bad) tend to be rather touchy, and I would be touched by that, if only my own touchiness were not worth a billion…